Soooo.... I found the time to go to the gym. (No good milk in the fridge -> gotta go out anyway)
Warmed up with basic squats and jumping around and doing stupid stuff with my arms and. .... aaargh I wanted to get started already! ! :)
After spending time with my cousin I feel motivated and fired up. The spark in me that wants to compete again has never died but now I feel that it got a ton of gasoline thrown on it :)
Something he said about the hack squat really got to me... if I have the time and energy I'll hit the hack on Thursday when we go back home.
But if I'm too dead tired and under fed I'll save my energy and walk to the (real) gym on Friday.
Uuuu.... I want to pump the Hell out of that hackedy-hack thingie... :D
I took some time off.
It's summer. Enjoy it.
Kiddo and I went barbecuing and finally saw my cousin :)
Gosh he's grown again.
We have a weight difference of 100kg.
He started lifting again. He says that the pump in his muscles as well as his mass grows quickly but his strength is still "gone". He took some time off last year, did more cardio, lost some weight and did longer sets with smaller weights.
Now his slowly getting back to normal and hitting the BIG WEIGHTS :)
...BIG means weights that need 3 spotters to keep things safe! ;)
He did the best juicy chicken! Well his wife prepped it but he grilled it :)
And the salad had the Biggest grapes I've ever seen!
We have to go again and take a cake with us... :)
I've been getting a lot of contacts through my Bodyspace account and on LinkedIn.
It's always nice to meet new people and to hear what they have to say about the world and what they like to talk about when a completely new person is listening. :)
I've been enjoying this "reaching out to the world" side of me.
I feel like my planet is expanding :)
I read a long article today about touching people and living longer. I'm sure it was all true.
I need a massage.
And according to the article, lots and lots of sex ;)
http://valtsuhealth.blogspot.fi/2015/07/sosiaalinen-elama-yksinaisyys.html?m=1
This weekend is just as slow but more productive than usual.
I finally got a lot of my over due writing/updating stuff done.
It's been super warm (about 20C) and sunny :)
One of my workouts got messed up 'cause kiddo woke up too early (our neighbour was shouting instructions as she was getting her kids ready for park) but I finished my last sets with him playing behind me. Every now and then he did come up and push the bar down. I'm not sure why. I'm pretty sure I was lifting it. Not pushing it down ;)
He helps me around a lot. When I shake my shaker, he shakes his milk bottle. (Milk flying...) When I clear weeds in the garden, he pulls all the plants up and tries to eat them...(plants dieing. ..)
I'm trying to find a minimum of moves for THIS MONTH. Next month I'll do something different and never will I train more than 4 times per week and I'll always keep the workouts short and my reps super slow.
I don't go through the whole list. I pick about half of the moves and just concentrate on them :)
A dream took me back to South Africa.
We were there for a party.
The food and drinks were amazing :)
Birds of paradise flew around in the garden and there was a crystal fountain with sparkling pink water. ..
Us ladies were all asked to wear something cheap and ugly for the gala night. We chose to find matching jumpsuits from the nearby mall. The dream took 2 hours and 1,5 of them I spent looking for that hideous "party wear"... gosh. There sure are a lot of ugly clothes in my dream world! !?
Kiddo slept for about an hour today (around lunchtime). I got a good workout for my biceps and triceps :)
I had to use a pre - exhaust method but it worked fine!
(Pump yourself silly with the 20kg bar and the finish every set with 5kg or 10kg plates...)
I was hoping to do just a slow and short workout but since kiddo kept sleeping and I had nothing else to do it just felt like the right thing to do: keep working, force yourself to grow. ...
Well I sure got myself totally fxcked up with just an arm workout. ... I'm too tired to do anything more tonight. I just ate and now it's all about playing with kiddo.... thank god he likes Duplos. We can just sit and play for a while :)
About the topic :
I've been listening to motivational speeches on youtube again.
I really do like them :)
It's a good booster when I feel like I don't seem to remember what I want in life ;)
Two nights ago I saw Dana Linn Bailey again.
She had stolen my idea for shoes. Anti gravity shoes...
She was testing them out and I felt bad about seeing my idea put all the way to use before I even got it off the table.
She was having a hard time making them work. She kept jumping off her warehouse. The idea was right but they needed more work with the specs that needed to be put in to balance out the "pilot's" errors...
Later in the morning I noticed how pumped and happy I was after seeing that dream :)
I had been copied before my idea was even a working product!
This ment that my idea was a sure winner and I should feel good about it :)
So what if I lost the patent and got nothing out of it. Not even my name in bright lights... so what.
I should celebrate the feeling of being so good that people were rushing to "be me" ;D
Funny dream.
It still works its magic ;)
Kiddo and I took a night off and drove over to Sulkava...
By taking a night off I mean we slept together on a small bed in the same room at our friend's house.
It's funny how those kinds of nights always flow the easiest :)
This town is beautiful :)
Kiddo ran out of clothes and I made him a skirt out of my old t-shirt.
He looks a bit like a Roman child?...
We called him Micus Minimus.
What went wrong with the hormonal pump program...
Dropping the dope.
***
Female hormones don't fit well into my fit female body?
I have to drop my birth control system. It's killing me and it's fxcking up our lives.
I tried to get a doctor's appointment today but there's nothing out there. I'll keep trying tomorrow.
So.... back to basics.
I am back on my way to controlling MY LIFE...
I kept telling myself this weekend that it's all about controlling My Life. Not The World around me.
I am right.
I am me.
And I am not done yet ;)
I'm testing the Polar Loop activity tracker.
(Thanks Mom!)
I'm mostly interested in my sleep patterns.
Do I really sleep or do I jump around and play all night....
We'll see soon.
I hope the tracker won't keep me awake. I don't wear jewellery or a wristwatch to bed. They keep me awake and make me jumpy and annoyed.
How to build muscle with just 3 workouts per week... or with just 180 minutes per week:
Eat right.
Sleep.
Rest and stretch.
Drink more water.
Do the minimum amount of exercise.
It's all you need to click your switch to "grow".
I'll be posting my home workouts here.
I'll test myself and we'll see if .......
This is how far I got.
Then my throat got sore and now I am sick. Not super sick. Just sick enough to take it easy (and hate my stupid throat)...
And the worst part is:
My weight crashed. I'm down to 57kg. Shit.
M
A hundred things to say but I just don't feel like going through any of them here.
I got a lot on my plate :)
I'm happy about that. I got my home life, baby things, gym things, food disasters, work lifes #1 and #2... I got things happening on the side and I still write my movie and other novels when I get the feeling. ...
I haven't taken the time to get that Inbody check done. I'm fine with that. I'll do it when I feel like it. In 6 weeks maybe.
My weight is stuck in 58kg. It just sits there but for couple of weeks now I have not given a shit...
I'm starting a new program next week. I'm starting from scratch with Squatting. It's been hitting my back too much so I have to teach myself to squat all over again :)
I will be doing all my squatting with a bench for the next 4-6 weeks. Box squatting will change the way I come UP with the weights and so on.... it'll help me to sit BACK and not Down.
Training at home can be a bit chilly. .. now it's very warm, +15C. But later it'll get colder and darker and as soon as I get my new gear (they might arrive tomorrow) I'll be giving the neighbours a bb show 2-4 times a week ;)
The beach ball has nothing to do with my workouts. Kiddo left it there. He was too tired to move it I guess :D
It's never an easy day when you get off your ass and get back on the horse. ..
I was pretty sick for a while. Not super sick but sick enough to keep away from sports.
.....Just tired now. Oh so tired :/
I'm still not sure if I should train yet but I tested myself today.
Yeahh.... tested.
Nothing felt normal. I hate it when I don't seem to have any of my strength left but I look like a fxcking whale....
I wore a red shirt. Maybe that was the problem? :)
I've had dream after dream about moving back to North Carelia this week. .. I still have a house there with my friend but we don't use it much.
I was supposed to travel there this weekend but since kiddo and I were a bit sick we decided to stay home.
Usually in my dreams the house up there is always a bit different or haunted :)
Sometimes the house is closer in Lappeenranta but most of the time the dream deals with Joensuu and its thick forests and sparkling lakes...
Last night everything was painted chalk white. Even the windows. I was prepping the place for kiddo's birthday and setting up a place for the magician :D
We didn't have any furniture so it didn't look too festive but I knew people would understand.
***
I'm starting slow with my workouts. Tonight I'll do 100 squats and 50+50 split squats. Then maybe 50 military presses and some barbell rows, a 100 will do. I'll use the 20kg barbell. That's all. Nothing fancy. If it's too easy I'll slow down my reps to get a burn. If it gets too hard/heavy I'll use rest pause.
Then it's off to do my stretching and abs...
I got sick after kiddo's B-day. A small fever and a lot of aches and pains and a gallon of stuff coming out of my nose.
On Tuesday I remembered that we forgot to serve some of the foods we had prepped for the party... they are still in the freezer :D
I'm still feeling a bit sick. Even kiddo got sick for the first time.
Well... I started planning for next week. Since (in my opinion) I'm starting from the beginning again and all I gained in the last month or two is gone (I feel so fxcking fat and lazy) I should just repeat the "lots of food and superslow reps" plan :)
I will jump back in the saddle and beat the shit out of that horse ;)
Kiddo turns 1 just about now... well, on Wednesday. He's a little astronaut.
First round around the sun.
I hope he gets many more :)
It's been nice and hot. I can't be outside much since kiddo would die if he is outside for too long... he gets to play outside for few minutes few times a day. He's better off inside where it's nice and warm/cool depending on the time of day.
He has his back teeth coming in right now so he has bad nights now and then. I do not want him to have even more bad nights just because he got sunburned or dehydrated from playing outside.
We don't have a pool so the only way to keep cool is to lie under a thick tree or stay inside. :)
So the scale at the gym says I'm 60kg. So the scale at home says I'm not.
So what.
It's still Not 65kg.
So I keep going. Going to the gym and going to the fridge... I keep moving. I keep living this life and enjoying this lifestyle.
I failed in my trial.
I didn't reach my goal weight for midsummer.
So what.
Well.... I try again. It's closer now ;)
It should be easier ;)
I'll make it.
I'll get to my Big goal and I'll push through it to another world :)
I need to get checked.
I need to book an Inbody test.
I want to know where I'm at.
There's nothing boring about my life but people do think so.... not a lot of people but even people who know me.
Usually it's all about my food and what I can drink and won't eat.
People worry... they buy stuff that says "fitness" on it (so I can have a snack and not explode) and it's full of sugar (so I eat it but I feel sick afterwards...) or they don't get anything or they buy like a half a carrot for everyone and expect us to eat like mice...
...and still keep asking about my diet (that isn't even a diet) and then they offer their views on eating which are usually "oh, I had half an apple and smelled some bread this morning... I don't really need food but I wish I had muscles..."
WTF?
(And before I start getting "anger mail" again Remember: most of this shit is just fictional stuff. Stop trying to find problems where there are none.)
I didn't go to the gym tonight. Honey is too busy.
I stayed home. Ate. Did some maintenance on my body.
Took a looong shower.
Ate some more :)
Living the good life ;)
BTW, if you know Korean, please contact me and help me with my rice cooker!
Thank you! <3
There's a gym in Kouvola where the iron is light and the workouts are super.
At least if you're there with Satu. <3
It was a gun & security show. One of the biggest in Finland. I was on a team of explosive experts and we kept sweeping the show areas with our special equipment (they looked like satellite phones but they were sensors to snif out explosives and dangerous radiation). We had gotten a letter that someone was planning an attack on the Saudi Arabian group who were showing off their new "sand proof" hot fuelling system for just about any petrol operated vehicle or machine.
One of the security checks at the door lead to a fist fight and the sec.officer found a geigermeter on the man.
"Red alert" and we woke up all the dogs. We had 10 bomb dogs and 12 androids (small monkeys) that started sweeping the areas again. All the bathrooms were cleared and after they had interrogated (beat the hell up) the guy with the geiger we found a small source of radiation in a garbage bin. It was right in the middle of everything.
We didn't engage at first. We just marked the place, turned our cameras and waited. One of our outside teams started a "fight" with one of the sausage stands and soon after we saw a guy running for the bin. He put his hand in and took out a package. It was the size of a normal sub sandwich but it sure weighed a lot more. We stopped him outside the building and confronted him... An older black guy. Not scared at all. He wasn't a courier. He knew what was going to happen...
Suddenly our boss shot two of our men and jumped in a car an shouted to the black man to jump in. They were in on it together!?!
"What the hell?!" I shouted.
"Ram them with the bus!" We had a bus just coming into the area with the night crew. The busdriver ran into the boss's car wrecking both of their front suspensions. The cars were stuck and we were at a stand off. Our boss told us to leave, to forget about this and trust him. He said he knew what he was doing... Some lf us hesitated. He had only wounded our men when he shot them. I knew I had never trusted that MF. He was going Down!
And I knew this would end badly...
The bus was nearly empty. The driver had been hurt but he was evacuated through the back windows just like the rest of the crew...
Our boss saw his chance. We went for the bus driver's assault rifle as his helper shot random shots into our other cars. I had sneaked into the bus already and I was going for that same rifle. We grabbed it at the same time. He had the stronger grip so he got it out of the rack but I had a good grip on the muzzle and I used it like a spear and poked his guts as hard as I could. He lost his breath and I got the gun.
Safety off - 1 shot in the chest (he had a vest) - I looked around for the other guy as our (ex) boss stumbled back and started to fall out the bus window. I kept my gun ready. I saw the black man looking at me and as he was raising his gun at me he got the shock of his life as somebody shot electrocution rods to his chest. His gun dropped to the ground as his body crouched to the joys of 50 000 Volts.
I wrote the headline before I squatted with 120kg on my back.
It took a long time for me to get into the right zone. ... I mean it took more than 5min. And I needed the right song.
At first I just thought it would be ok to just set it down. To do ONE negative rep.
Hell no.
I can't live or lift like that!
"Oh. I'll just try it but I won't care if I don't make it.."
Fxck no!
I took on the challenge. (Of course I used safety bars.)
And I did it.
3 slow reps. Not down to 90 degrees (the safety bars were just a bit too high) but close enough. (I got it on video)
I gotta.
I just gotta.
HIIT.
Or just HIT if it's a lazy day...
I'm still following my EAT, REST and only train 4 times a month -program. It's kinda ok but it can make me a bit lazy. So when I finally DO go to the gym I want to do my very best. This means I warm up well but quickly.
Had a nap. Had a dream. Woke up feeling guilty.
I've been dreaming about going to the States some day and taking part in a Warhouse gymcamp! :)
So I did.
In my dreams, but hey... I had fun And got to meet everyone without spending any money on tickets or time on flying.
I was there with baba. It was the "last camp before xmas" and parts of the gym were ice cold. Dana Linn Bailey was training in front of everybody. She talked about shoulder control on a hard back day... Rob was drinking water next to the shiny trailer. I saw my chance and got his attention by yelling "Rob, I love you!"
(I must be ovulating...)
I talked with Rob, got a great selfie with him and .... and where's the baby?
I remembered carrying him upstairs and checking out the Flag nor Fail "areas". I must have put him down for just a second and... and then I guess I forgot about him?
I ran upstairs and started going through the rooms we had seen... no baby :(
Shit!
Where the fxck is he?!
I was starting to panic. I'm here in Philadelphia and people are expecting Both of us to come back home next month... then I heard it. A weak cry and thumping. Baby came crawling around the corner and he was dragging his sleeping bag with him. He had been crying for a while. I could tell just from his red eyes and the tired movement he still had in him. I lifted him up and he fell asleep against my shoulder <3
"Good boy, baby... good boy."
I walked back downstairs and put kiddo into my extra large gymbag. I sat in the back for the rest of the program. There was an excellent and super motivating speech by Rob about starting your own business and taking the first big risks. ...
Gosh he's GOOD! :)
Lieing around at home...
2 more hours and it's gym time.
"Rest while you can. Rest and regain your strength.
Grow just a little bit more so you can tare down so much more..."
I have been listening to a lot of motivational speeches.
I need stuff like that.
I enjoy stuff like that.
I eat it up like cake and I keep asking for more.
Everything Super motivating just tastes like that cake in Pollyanna:
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pollyanna_%281960_film%29
I saw that movie ten times and I always cried at certain parts... it's just so good.
Maybe I do need to listen to those speeches a lot more than the guy next to me but it can't harm me to keep pumping iron with my mind and my gray brain cells. :)
I get energy just from listening. I learn every time something new. I Know their words help me to focus... Eventually it will make a difference. I don't care if I have to listen to them a hundred times. I Feel better after every video. It's like candy and cake... carbs for my brains.
I've been writing letters to people I know as well as to people I've never met. Some of them have answered back and some of them I Know are too busy to ever even notice....
Why am I doing all this you might ask. Why do I reach out and start a conversation with people who don't know me or used to know me as someone else...
Why not.
Good timing is now.
Live now and you might not regret as much later ;)
But all those speeches... won't I feel bad about not being as motivated and "on my right track" as all of them?
No.
It's not a race.
Well it is a race to a certain degree but I'm the only competitor. So the better I do the better the all time world record will be :)
So...
Enjoy the process. A hard thing for me to remember but an important thing for all of us to keep in mind. Enjoy the trip. Look out side and take pictures. Get lost and find your way. Take more pictures. Remember. Learn. Enjoy.
Love the life you have or change it for the better.
Everything takes time. Sometimes it's good to just sit down and look at the world.
Joy.
It is not hard.
If you don't feel like it then just fxck it all. Don't givea fxck for a while and you'll reboot. Don't worry.
It's Your world too ;)
I don't know why but when I was just about to give up and put my barbell back on the rack I started yelling "UP!" with all my (super slow) reps. It helped. I got 5 more reps out of me and I didn't even cheat too much.
I was looking for the sweet spot so I had to experiment a little ;)
But hey, "UP!" is the new imaginary coach :)
I had 80kg on my back because I had snapped it earlier this week. I didn't want to stress it too much. 100kg would have been too much so I stuck to my 80 and did my sets with it.
The bar kept slipping down my traps and I couldn't feel anything in my quads. Most of the work went into my glutes and hams... oh well. I got some good slooooow reps out of that last set.
Ronnie Coleman... He's huge, he's strong and I think he's cute too :)
But in my dream he was an ordinary guy. No background in bodybuilding. He wasn't muscular or athletic. He was a normal but fat guy... he was on America's biggest looser and he had made it to the top 4! I kept cheering for him. I wanted him to win! He was my favorite and I knew he had it in him to win anything he puts his mind to.
Ronnie Coleman, 8x Mr Olympia
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ronnie_Coleman
Mika Nyyssölä... I got some kind of a weird super liking to this guy. He's the Happiest bodybuilder in Finland and in my mind he's the most interesting personality in the (Finnish) bb business. I hope I get a chance to work with him or for him in the future <3
In my dream we were at his loft and he needed help moving his sofas. He had 10 sofas up there! Why couldn't he ask some of his big boy friends to come over!
Jesus, I was SO tired after all that moving and he didn't even let me stay over to recover 'cause he was in a hurry to go to the gym with his wife :D
www.mikanyyssola.fi
I snapped my back yesterday.
I was carrying kiddo and as I put him down I felt a hot/electric pain in my lower back. On both sides of my L4.
I couldn't move well after that and for the rest of the day I had to just sneak around after the baby or lie on my back. Thank goodness he can walk. I don't have to lift him up from the ground anymore. And it's enough that his feet touch the ground when I set him down somewhere.
I used a cold bag for my back and sprayed some magnesium oil on it too.
Still.... I had to take a painkiller so I could sleep right. And I had my normal stuff at night with baby: feeding and teething ;)
It's Sunday night. I'm done for this week.
59kg
I'm bigger.
I'm better.
I'm stronger.
I need more.
I need 6 more ;)
Then I'll start my shredfest.
But if I get up to 62kg by Juhannus I will get myself (and kiddo) tickets to the new world.
I should write a letter to myself. Just like when I was a kid. I used to write a lot! :)
I'll write all the basic stuff : how I am doing and what's hot & not...
And I'll try to imagine what my life is like 5 years from now :)
I'll read it after ~1800 days and I hope I'll smile with all my heart.
I've been having the hardest time plotting my nearby future because I'm just too messed up with all the possibilities.
So I stopped planning and started living.
I'm Being all ME.
I am everything I want to be.
Right NOW.
:)
Or was I leaning. ..
.... Don't give a fxck.
Lift that bitch up!
60kg keeps coming closer. Every week. Every dinner. Every snack. Every set...
Every night...
:)
And I look like a shaky shit in the mirror. So what. :D
We bought new winter tyres this week from a normal civilian. What I mean is that we did not go to a tyre shop but we did stop by a nice house and met a fun guy with cool cars :D
Well... we didn't have exact change so honey ended up paying online on the guy's laptop. It's just as safe as giving paper money but it takes a while and the seller might feel jumpy until the money finds it's way to his bank. (Even when he writes his own account number and sees the exchange beeing made...)
I started thinking about finding a way to make deals like this more relaxing... what if we had a system that kept a record of everyone who was "a good citizen" and worth trusting blindly...
Yeah... hmmm...
This sounds kinda familiar? Hmmm..
If everyone had a microchip that would keep a virtual profile of the person on it and if I were -let's say- selling my violin and I only want to sell it to a certain type of person. I could rank my buyers before letting them come see my violin...
Hmmm...
Why do I keep thinking that the Natzis already tried something like this...
Sounds like something the school teachers warned us about in the 90's... about the end of the world and the coming of the antichrist. I guess I went to school in the 1690's.
:D
What a crappy idea.
Let's just stick to talking BS and antiBS and not trusting anyone...blindly.
Well he's a walker now :)
We tried cutting his hair again but he still hates it.
I've always wondered why some kids look like shit all the time but now I know: they hate getting a hair cut and they hate clothes. Basically they hate looking like everybody else.
Ok. "Hate" is a Strong word but it's the right one.
We've all seen some crazy shit... kids can hate just as much and even with more passion than us older versions of a hairless ape...
Kids can also forget with more speed than others... ;)
I think he's getting another hair cut next year ;)
I'm having issues with my workouts and diet.
I'm (hardly) gaining body weight but I can move 20-30% more weight around in one set...
My biggest issue is with my body weight and composition. I know I don't look fat nor am I even close to a fatty anyhow. .....but...... I was hoping to pile on the pounds by now. I'm sticking with the program and I've lost a ton of worries and stress last week so I should feel free as a bird. A fxcking flamingo! ......but...... I'm still not getting bigger??
Or am I? ....
I bought a pair of pants today (on sale).
They are Large. Not Small, not even Medium. LARGE. And they fxcking fit like a glove!
So.... my issues.... bull shit ;)
I need food and I need a sauna night :)
Wau. What a crappy picture of my new good pants.
So did I gain weight or fat?
Well it started looking bad in the middle even though I was eating everything and the wallpaper. .. then I got a shock of my life when I thought I might be seriously sick.... got over that and went on a road trip with kiddo and spent two nights in Helsinki.
Felt better and kept eating like it was my biggest joy in life :)
Went to (super stuffed) Ikea and nearly remembered to visit Varusteleka... we got some small things to make life easier and safer <3
Had my 3rd workout (3/8) and found that I'm much stronger than in my 1st work out ;) I nearly doubled my reps. This means I get to add 5kg to the 2 sets in my next A workout.
Sooo.... did I gain weight:
Yes.
Kinda.
Not alot.
Aaargh. .....
I think I might have a worm in me?
I wake up.
I brush my teeth and stare at my image in the mirror.
Am I too fat? No.
Too skinny? No.
Too soft? No.
Too old? No.
Am I not worthy...? I used to think "yes"...
I used to push things away just because I couldn't reach them perfectly.
"If I can't make it happen in an instant, or better and quicker than anyone else then it makes me uninteresting and unworthy to be better than others."
My goals were to reach a better ME but they were reflections of other humans and other lifes.
Oh fxck...
Did I think this way about everything? Of course not. But those small moments when I thought less of myself just to give space to others...
(Space? What fxcking space and Who are these others? !)
...when I left my parking brake on just to "help" others feel better about their crappy choices, I actually kept shutting the door in front of my own face.
I didn't do it often but doing it even once a year would fxck up my personal life for weeks...
As I think back, and I hate this, I've done more wrong to myself than anyone else could ever have accomplished.
I am my own worst enemy...
Thankfully I'm also my own best friend and Maker.
I reflect everything and I absorb anything that comes my way. Some of it sticks to me and I use it in my life and some bounce right off or get ripped off if I find it unusable.
So back to the top... about being worthy.
Even asking that question now is an insult from me to me. :)
The Right questions must be asked, YES. But at the same time the unnecessary questions can be dropped.
Am I worthy? Yes. Move on.
But then what are the right WORDS to say to myself in the morning?
"Words have power." I heard it several times this Friday. And even though this is one of the things I do remember, I don't use it as much as I need to. (Sorry Bruce. I must be the slowest learner on this planet... but thanks for kicking me around every now and then.)
The right words help to push you forward. The right words let you express yourself and they allow you to live successfully before you've even started.
So don't say:"I Should read that book so I'll learn from it." or "I Should do this diet so I'll get leaner and look/feel better."
Instead of motivating yourself with promises of a better future why not motivate yourself with a promise of a better life right Now...
"I Want to read that book."
"I want to do this diet."
And do it.
B. I'm starting to feel like I owe my life to you... :)
This is really hard...
I love the way it gives me pain...
It's really important and so simple and so, so hard (for me)...
I'll start by asking myself questions:
"How do you live your life? Do you search daily for ways to be successful or famous or just a better You? Do look for the beginning of the "road to your future" in education or career or something that can be measured?"
Look at the headline again and read it backwards. BE - DO - HAVE.
What if you first decide who you ARE instead of trying to find the perfect combination of education and experience to fill your CV... (my CV... this is what I've always done: Looked good on paper so I can prove myself in ways that can be measured.)
What if, after deciding to BE who you want to BE, it would actually be more possible to DO what you've always wanted to DO... (how simple is that! ;) )
And then, after all that, you'll HAVE that thing/feeling/mater/life/stuff that you need to be successful in your line of work etc.
I'm leaving this post short for a reason.
If anyone reads this and wonders about it I want them to fill in the blanks for themselves...
I know I still have a lot of blank spots in my life...
What is 4 weeks.
It's less than 700 hours.
It's 28 days.
It's 4 cheat meals.
It's 8 workouts.
It's -äääh- it's a LOT of chicken...
Stop.
Think.
Intentionally think about what you want to do.
Do it.
Do not just React to every fxcking thing like an ape.
Take a sec. Think.
Make your move based on intentionally and thoughtfully made decisions.
I plan a lot.
I watch a lot of TV too.
I watch documentaries and movies and cartoons (for kiddo)... I'm watching a documentary about steroids right now. It's actually a very boring one...
I know enough about douping and steroids to stay away from them but when kiddo gets older and he sees how we live, how we train, how we eat and treat our bodies I hope and pray that he will not feel the need to grow like crazy in a very short time.
Sometimes I wonder if I could keep him so occupied in life that he would Never feel that his body is not enough. But he was born human... he was born an individual and anything and everything I do or say to him will still pass through His brain and He makes the choices in his life.
Maybe I could still program him a bit? ;)
I've got my plans printed.
I've got my supplements counted.
I've got my fish and broccoli and turkey and rice and all that shit waiting in the fridge.
I've got it all and I'm ready to do the time.
4 weeks in "jail"... 4 weeks living a life that does not resemble a life I would call "normal"...
Only 4 weeks and if I make it, if I reach my goal, I promised to give myself and kiddo a present (at least I) we would not forget.
;)
Last night was a loooong one. Baba and I slept for 13 hours. Sure he had a lot of milk and I changed his nappie and I went to the toilet and drank water and wondered about having something to eat but the night didn't end until 8am when we decided that we were hungry and bored.
Sometimes it is like a heaven on earth to sleep late and wake up happy 'cause all you have to do is get up and walk to the kitchen, open the fridge and make some breakfast and coffee <3
We're very lucky.
We must Never forget that all of this is here and that it is Real. We are truly safe and happy. We have the right to feel good. We also have the right to help others have this too.
It's all about honest decisions...
Honest decisions in our lifes ;)
He can stand in one place by himself for about 10-12 seconds :)
In this pic I helped him up and he watched the telly for a while.
I'm not sure if he quits because he gets tired or because he wants to go somewhere else?...
I got so excited when kiddo learned to throw the ball to me :) but now he throws it just about anywhere and mostly under the sofa. I guess he likes to see me crawl... he also likes to throw the little stuffed pig around and books and wooden blocks and his socks :D
One more weekend and my "4 weeks of hell" is ON!
I'm not going with the first idea. It had 6 workouts in a week. I'm actually testing a 2 workouts per week program :)
There is more time to recover.
There's also a lot of time to eat... that's where the gains are.
First I kill myself at the gym and then I fill up the holes in my muscles with clean eating... rest for a day or two or three and do it all over again.
Kiddo will not notice much.
Mummy just keeps eating like it was her job ;)
I hope the weather stays clear and summer comes soon... I hope I make it.
I hope kiddo learns to walk ;)
He's so close! He has also figured out how to force little wooden blocks into the box with the different holes on it :)
And he tries to talk every day. I'm not picking up any specific "words" yet but he makes a lot of different sounds and sometimes they are the same "scream" in the same situations. Usually my answer is:"honey-bunny, please stop banging on the window/door/machine/my face..."
I have a new idea of what I should try at the gym...
It's only a 4 week program but it has so many supersets and days of thunder in it that if I finish it without losing weight I should probably call myself "Mike". It's fxcking brutal but it is calling me... mmmmm..... gosh, I want to try it. Crap, it would mean going to the gym around 10 pm so I can have all the equipment I need to myself. ..... holy crap. I'll never sleep
Should I?
...
:)
Really?....
I should get another Inbody check up done next winter.... just to see inside me.
Next year is not supposed to be important but who knows...
Every Day is important to a degree.
Every chance is worth taking and remembering....
I tested my body with that Inbody test again.
My goals had been
- to add lean mass to my legs
- to add fat to my body
Well I won.
But that's it. It was not the big win I was hoping for. It was nothing huge and nothing that makes me feel like I've actually worked my fxcking ass off these last 3 months.
FXCK!
...
I felt good and like shit at the same time.
But that's just me.
Tomorrow is the day of mothers and others... to me it doesn't feel like a reason to feel special. I'm special every fxcking day. Kiddo sees me and he goes crazy with love :)
If he could run he would, but he just crawls like crazy and climbs up my leg to hug me. <3
He's my perfect son and he's going to take over the fxcking world! ;)
Something to think about.
I personally can't live like she writes - not all the time. But I'm gonna pick my battles ;)
https://medium.com/@EmiliaLahti/satisficing-how-to-reach-your-best-by-not-giving-a-damn-3b9854826277
You came back into my life... I saw you coming and it made me smile.
Maybe you heard my heart jump... and then it missed a beat. "Oh my god. You."
I missed you. All this time I've been thinking about you, and us. How we met. How you used to make me feel... how my legs turned to spaghetti and my mouth would mumble every time I started a sentence.
You. <3
How do you do it?
...you made yourself visible to me and I got lost in my life again..
I've known you for years but sometimes it feels like we've just met. Sometimes at night I'm afraid to move or you might disappear again. It hurts when you go. It hurts inside.
I want more time with you.
I want you to stay.
I've done a bunch of stuff this week...
I quit from 3 facebook groups (that I don't even need) and I sold a few items I don't use anymore. I sent stuff -that I've been hanging on to for no reason- to people who might need them.
I'm cleaning up my life again. I switched the sofas around in the living room and I went on a long walk with baba and I sent some novels to a "publisher" to see if they like 'em and I might earn a few bucks...
I'm making plans and planning my future while planning to plan to succeed :) Planning to plan better :D HAH!
I finally found my golden pen. It marks anything. I'm going to write my name on my lifting belt so people will stop wondering if I stole it from the gym (it looks JUST like the belt we have there)...
Since I have the right to do what ever I want I've been testing to add some of my pre workout supplement to my morning vitamins. Not a lot but enough to get some extra energy to push baba around on our morning walks.
Why I'm doing this?
I'm testing to see if it works better than just having coffee and if it will not make me pee as much ;)
I took another day off. Last time I was at the gym was last Saturday... ooohhh... I need rest and I need time to get my writing together.
I'm working on a (Finnish) book and on a movie script. I love working on both of them but it takes so much more time to be creative than to just lift heavy shit and take a shower afterwards ;)
I still write short stories every now and then. I've started printing some of them out to see them in "real light". It actually helps to see physical proof of the stuff I've tapped on the keyboard. I feel much better about the time I spend in my own thoughts and imagination now :)
And kiddo is almost walking. He can stand by himself for several seconds and he uses his walking Brio -thing every day all by himself :)
