Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Food prep

I blew up the potatoes and burned the chicken so I think that food prep for 2014 is over... long live 2015.
BTW today is shoulder day. Let's bring it home one more time ;)

12 years in Hungary

Some people you just never stop thinking about... :)
I have a friend. We hardly even keep touch. But I think of her as one of my best and dearest friends.
I saw her last night.
She looked good :) healthy and happy. IRL she has kids and she loves yoga.

In my dream she was lonely, tired and her hair had grown so long that I didn't even recognise her at first.
Everything happened so fast. We said Hi! She told me she needed a rest from her life. I said she should take a trip to Budapest. She told me she had gone there every year for the last 12 years. She loved that place. She wanted to live there but her "life line" did not exist there (?)...
We had coffee and she left. As she walked away I wondered if my life line was still waiting for me when I wake up.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Earthquake, theatre, comedy club and public showers

(Edit later)
Last couple of nights have been something else than restful...
I've been hanging out at my favorite mall. It has gyms, cafes, theaters, burlesque shops and I see celebrities there ever so often :)

Maybe it is this moving thing or maybe I'm just fat in the head but the mall collapsed on me. 2 of the bottom floors just came crashing down. I barely made it out of there. Imagine running for your life while pieces of concrete and steel fall on you and you know you might not make it... I kept wondering how much it would hurt if I get hit in the head with something the size of my own fist.
It was cool how the glass doors exploded  when I slung myself out of the kneeling building! It was amazing how people didn't even stop their shopping on the higher floors and the rest of the mall's shops just kept going too... (it still had 3 more floors and a basement) I quess no one died?

I sat down for a while... took a long breath and had a smoke. One of those small cigarettes that smell like chocolate. I noticed people around me. They all had small notebooks and some of them mumbled to themselves... One of them asked me for a fitting ending to a short joke of his. I gave him ideas and some of the others started talking to me too. It was fun! They had some great ideas. I wish I could remember them. I bet they would sound stupid now ;)

I didn't feel comfortable going back to the mall so I headed to the local swimming hall. They had a 2 for 1 sale this week: buy a ticket to go swimming and you get to watch a theatre show at the same time! I think they had several different small shows that they rotated during the day. I was hoping for something relaxing like a musical about cowboys or ninjas.
I had to use the toilet before I went in the pool but like always it wasn't that easy... I found the toilets but all of them had a shower integrated into them. I tried several of them but I kept getting blown out of the little toilet with a tornado of hot water before I even had a chance to sit down :/
Stupid dreams...

Monday, December 29, 2014

Cold as ...

Leg day.

I'm in week 3 of my 84 days of fun in the gym...
This week it's all about loooong sets.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Rest -ish

Moving moving moving.... and clean two houses as you go....

Step back...

(Edit later) It feels like a slip up...
It looks like a screw up...

I've had a weird day. I keep dropping stuff. It's like I can't concentrate.
My hair is too long and it keeps getting curly in the wrong way.
My nose itches.
I had a thing in my eye for 5 hours (drove me nuts at the gym) and my hands are too dry to cuddle my baby's cheeks.

I had potatoes and salmon twice today.

I keep wondering why I'm so tired...
I must count my calories tomorrow.
The answer lies in my "top 3": sleep, eat and work for it.

I feel like I'm not getting enough of any of them?
The next two days are rest days.
I need it. Rest.

I need to sleep this off.

Friday, December 26, 2014

Taking hits

(Edit later) It ain't no easy day...
Woke up happy but dead tired.
At the gym now... still dead.
Ate alot. Too much maybe?
Back day. Easy but so darn hard.
Need more.
Need rest.
Need a million more reasons to give up.

I'm not giving up. I'll fxcking make it through this.
It's just a set... a rep... the feel... the pump... I'll kill it before I leave. I'll kill this tired feeling.
I'm going home a winner.
I didn't come here to give up.

My night with Rob

(Edit later) Finally, it came...
My chance to talk with Rob Bailey.

I think I was at the Arnold Sports Festival in Ohio. I was staying at a hotel where alot of the competitors stayed too. Actually the hotel seemed to be "in" the A.S.F. so I could walk around without having to worry about carrying heavy stuff or even wondering about getting a ticket :)

I saw Dana Linn Bailey walking around a coffee machine. She had just come from stage I think. She had this super glaze over her tan and her green bikini shone like a cloth made simply out of precious gems.

Right behind her was Rob. Eating a donut and looking at the coffee machine. I read from his lips that he didn't want Dana to drink that shit. She should get some Real coffee from behind the stage...
Dana left and I felt that I had my chance to talk to the guy who I admire and listen to so often. The man who I see as "a loud and mysterious man".

I asked him if he had time to talk with me.
He did :)

We sat down and as he finished his donut and cracked open a soda he asked me: "so Miia, what is it that you've been so eager to ask me all this time?"
Me: "I've been following you.... I mean I listen to you video posts and read you blogs. You inspire me :) I find you to be a huge Boost in my life when it comes to taking chances and listening to my heart... my soul even.
In ways we are the same but in other ways we live totally separate lifestyles. You live like a beast and you MAKE things happen... I often find myself pushing myself harder and further because I remember how you live, you and Dana.
I don't mean to sound like I want to be You.
I want to say Thank You <3
Thank You for being who You are and living the way you do. 
Thank You for touching my life and heart. Thank You for taking this time to sit down with me and smiling with me at the world, Our world :)
You are always welcome to my dreams, to my real life too. <3"

Rob: "Wau. Ok... thanks Miia :)"
...and he gave me the warmest, biggest hug. I could smell coffee, Dana's tan lotion and a hint of musk on him.
We talked more. Quietly and pleasantly. People passed us by but we were invisible to them. It felt like the moment stretched longer and although we kept our talks mellow and light, we dowe into subjects that scraped the bed rock of my world... he could inspire me just by telling me about his day. Just by being there and being himself.

Rob Bailey

one of my favorite artists when it comes to clothes, music, photography, LIFE...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGICG_mHV38

Oh god, I feel like a million bucks right now <3

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Monday, December 22, 2014

The dark day

Forgot my shoes... Leg day -> chest and triceppies

It's the darkest day... Shortest day. It snowed, too :) It's been a good day.
I had coffee with a cool gal and we started to move our stuff to our new house :)

Friday, December 19, 2014

4/84 - 5/84

The first days went byebye... Next 2 are active rest/cardio. Then I'll start week 2.
Food: ok. Workouts: could go better. Me: still in it for the gold.


Wednesday, December 17, 2014

The sad news

I'm still under 59kg. On some mornings I'm under 58...
I'll give myself a month to get my shit together. If I'm still under 60kg after that I'll finish my 84 days and start again. More pain, more guilt, more long nights... I better make these first 12 weeks count.

Guilt

Every fxcking night I spend at the gym... I feel bad. Baby is sleeping at home but I feel bad.
Every fxcking set and rep better be the best it can... There's no time to fxck this up.
There is no time to do this again. I'm doing what I'm doing to be a better me. A better wife. A better mom. A better friend...
A better life.

I'm not the type who gets sick. But I might be the type who dies in a freak accident.
I need to do this.

No remorse.
Just guilt.

Xmas on tv

No Xmas this year... Not for us. We're moving moving moving. Yes!  Thank God.
I made protein cakes and I'm "listening to xmas". The music is enough. It's all I need to feel like xmas :)
Well, snow helps too.
I don't go to church. I don't stuff my face. I don't check out relatives at the cemetary. I don't need Santa.
I'm happy just being at home and relaxing with a good movie, sauna and candles :) I like quiet things.
I'll train every day. That's my way to keep up the peace ;)

No hell, hell no

What is Hell?
Some say it's a place where you burn in your sins and the devil sings bad songs about nothing special... others say it's a place where God's love can't reach you. Now how the hell is THAT possible?

My favorite version is this one:
You are alone.

HAH!
I'm Finnish! To us that's like Heaven! :D

Heaven or Hell? Sure is pretty.

1/84 - 3/84

The first days are behind me. First of many more to come...

I started a 12 week program.
84 days.
No rest.

Friday, December 12, 2014

The little vampire

Kiddo likes his new teeth. He loves to eat things. Everything is in danger...fingers, toys, curtains, anything that he can get his hands on ;)

Saunayoga


I spent last night with a good friend and made a new one.
I also got to try out Saunayoga, Starbucks, cricket food and saw how a giant poodle lives his life in a "big city house".

The same night I found out that my grandfather had passed on...
But I won't go into that.

I didn't sleep deeply last night. I did bad things. I hijacked one of the judges on Masterchef Australia. (the big dark guy who always has a scarf)
I kept him in a small penthouse I had on a rooftop that I had lent from a friend... I didn't admit to anyone that I had him. People knew that I had him but I was too scared of getting in trouble that I just lived with the fear of getting caught and the bother of having a hostage 24/7. A very hungry hostage.

Last night I also figured out how to make 20.000e in 4 months. But I cannot remember how I did it!!! :/
Aaarh!!


Monday, December 8, 2014

30-90-600

I have things I need to do. Some sooner, some later.

The days go past slowly but time always ends

I need to buy a small calender.
And a good pen.

What if he doesn't come home?

(edit later)
Baba is 5 months now. 
He loves life.

He'll see his father again on Saturday.
Sometimes I think of sad things to keep myself awake. Sometimes the fear of losing loved ones creeps into my head. We all live in it: the real world. Bad things happen in the real world. Sometimes they happen near us. Sometimes to us. Most of the time we just read about them in the news...

Could I make it if I found myself alone?
Yes. I think so.
What if I was alone and baby was with me... Would we live a full life and enjoy the little things?... yes.

All I can do is to make a decicion. I/we Will make it :) no matter what.

F.Y.I.

weather : shit

No! I won't jump!

A parachuting accident...

I found myself on an airport bus. But it wasn't a bus,it took off so it was a plane... I kept wondering how the plane /bus could have such Big windows and still keep intact in the air and in all that turbulence (I felt sick).

The airbus had several jumpers in it. Pro parachuters. I felt even sicker now. I noticed that I too had a parachute on. It had a long purple rope attached to it but the rope was not attached to anything.
Everyone else had a big red handle on their chest to open their parachute. I kept shouting that I would NOT jump 'cause A) it's stupid to leave a perfectly fine plane in the middle of flight and B) I've never jumped so I could hurt myself by hitting the ground the wrong way...

The pilot opened the bus doors and the first 3 men jumped.

No-one seemed to give a fxck about my opinion about not wanting to jump. They just kept talking about the weather and how they loved to pack their own chutes...
Who had packed my parachute?
I know I didn't do it.
Maybe my pack was empty?!!

Why was nobody listening to me?!

What kind of "a learning experience" is this?

I thought about charging in to the cockpit and taking over the plane. Maybe I had a knife on me or Anything that I could use as a weapon?

...no. I can't.
I can't do that to the pilot. It's not his fault I'm up here... or is it?

I never jumped. The airbus landed. Most of us did not jump. I never heard about the ones that jumped.

Dumb legs

Trying out new ways to kick my own ass.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Happy B-day homeland

Happy happy happy... 6.12.
And I forgot it. Sorry.
But I went to the (empty) gym and did my best :)

Love U Finland

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Wider backer errr...

Yesterday back day good day my day...



no matter how hard I try to relax the darn camera shakes :)

Kiddo will soon be 5 months old.
I will soon be 60kg AGAIN :)

Work for it,
do the work.

Kiddo keeps growing, I keep growing.

No excuses ;)

Friday, December 5, 2014

I dream of you...

...Tuomas Kyrö.

Jep. He made the cut.
A famous Finnish writer showed up in my dream. He drove a car he had built himself :)
It was a very small (about the size of coffin that was made to look like a minisub on wheels) lightweight car made out of cardboard and aluminium. He said it didn't even need a licence to be on the road and that he didn't bother with taxes or insurances either.

Tuomas Kyrö, my hero.

http://hs13.snstatic.fi/webkuva/taysi/675/1305854884052?ts=628
He wasn't too good at backing that thing up. He flipped it on it's back when I wasn't looking and I had to rescue him from his own invention... :D

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Big legs

I'm so happy it hurts.
Today was LEG day.
I started with the leg press... I got up to 200kg x10 and thought "well why not"... I got up to 270kg x10x2 and thought "oh fuxk it"... I got up to 300kg and said to my spotter "lets see, I have no idea"... after 9 reps I said "one more" he replied "Lift!"... I lifted 3 more. Just for HIM. He was a Big dude. Lots of tattoos and a black shirt. Scary guy. I don't want to mess with him. Hell, I'll rather lift 350kg ;D

My leg press record is now 300kg x12 :)

I'm scared to wake up tomorrow. Will I still have my legs or will they fal off ;)
Kiddo is almost crawling now... I will too...

5 x crazy

I'll start the car and drive to the gym in just a while...
This week I'm still doing 5 workouts. 4 late at night and one in the morning.
It'll either kill me or make me stronger but I shall not fail.
Why?...you ask.

Because next week I'm alone and all I have is "home gym" = shit.

My split:
Legs
Chest, tris
Back, bis
Shoulders, calves, abs
Legs

Yes. I'm going to go all crazy and push myself as hard as I can. I don't have a coach so I'll just use my imagination to get past those last sets and reps... An imaginative gym pal. Yeah <3

Next week I'll play my Master chef Valkeala game and cook like a trained monkey all week long.
Fitness food, when all you need is biomass.

Monday, December 1, 2014

It feels So good

I'm happy when I plan things... And excited when things come together.

I've made plans for:
- a road trip with baba
- my next 12-14 weeks (diet & sports)
- moving to a new home
- getting my hair done

Maybe I should also book my next photo shoot :)
I could start testing poses and get a new bikini or something! ;)

Kiddo gets tired sometimes...

Saturday, November 29, 2014

That MFing idiot...

I'm so sick of people who fuxk things up...
I was at the local (public) gym. A short, angry guy kept dropping his weights after his sets. What an a-hole :-C

He had 140kg in his hands and after every set he would drop it.
He broke the floor.

It's a public gym. Nothing gets fixed. It's not a good gym.
Still, it's no reason to keep smashing things around..

Friday, November 28, 2014

No rest, creepy dreams

For the last 3 nights I've been in a world of pain... soft, creepy pain that can be stopped if I take meds in my dreams. Yes, meds in my dreams! It actually works!

Honey gave me painkillers in a dream and the pain in my upper back and neck disappeared for the rest of the dream :) I even woke up happy. It was just until I tried to get out of bed when the stabbing feeling hit me again and I was back to being crippled in a semi-sad way...

***

I'm trying to decide if I want to sleep on the living room floor again... I bought a new bed today. Hard as an iglu couch. But it will not be delivered until after X-mas :/

Oh well... I better make my evening omelet and do some stretching. If everything goes well I'll even get a small (yeah right, hard core all the way) shoulder workout into this night's program.

The meaning of (my) life

If you've read the Little Prince (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Little_Prince) you know what I'm wondering about...

The fox always gets me... he kills me...

“Goodbye,” said the fox. “Here is my secret. It’s quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes. . . . It’s the time that you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important. . . . People have forgotten this truth,” the fox said, “But you mustn’t forget it. You become responsible for what you’ve tamed. You’re responsible for your rose. . . .” 

I've talked about this fox with a friend of mine he seems to get it. It's clear and easy to him... but my head just won't wrap around it. I do understand everything (understanding is not the problem), I just don't WANT for the fox to leave... I don't want for the flower to ever wither. I don't want the fairy tale to end. 
The neverending story, that's my life. 


www.etsy.com


I can't live without an happy ending, for everyone.

Is it impossible?

No, it is not. ;)

Thursday, November 27, 2014

I'm sleeping in the living room

Well... Here it is. The stiff neck problem escalated. I need a harder surface so I'm sleeping on the floor with kiddo.
Honey was out for the night so we tested the floor: perfect. Lights went out around 18:45 and I didn't wake up until he got back around 21:00.
I need a futon to sleep well ;)

Maybe I should get a support mechanism for my neck...?

Darn... I can't go to a massage on Saturday. None of my mates are working then... hmmm. Maybe I could think of some kind of a trick to massage myself with a tennis ball...

Oh god, I need meds.... :/

AND I KEEP LOSING WEIGHT! AAARGGH!!

Playing home

I'm the neighbor's cat and kiddo is the mailman.
We pretty much stayed outside half the day...

Neck feels better but the mornings are the worst.
And I'm still ONLY 58kg :(

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Mamma mia

Abba day :)
Baby and I are getting all romantic and singing along in our undies to the movie Mamma Mia! :)
My neck/back is feeling a lot better.

It sure is nice to see our son so happy about Abba ;)
I wonder if he'll still love it when he's 20? :D

Over worked

I broke my neck... A problem with my muscles around C7. The area is over worked from breast feeding on a Soft bed and from my normal heavy/crazy work outs.

I have -more than- 50% of my normal range of motion left. I have to drag my head around by lifting and pulling it by hand. I have Great posture ;) but that's about it. Standing up straight is easy, but everything else is shit.

Kiddo is fine. I can do everything he needs me to <3
I just do things a bit slower and differently.

I hope I'll snap out of this by tomorrow. Or sooner ;)

Yes. It hurts.
Most of the time.
I'm even thinking about going to the hospital but I need honey to drive me. I can't even leave the house...
Thank god I have undone chores :)


still in beast mode after a normal workout
after my "my C7 is shit" workout... I can't move my head
kiddo loves TV so much ... Not :D

Monday, November 24, 2014

58

Mornings start at 58kg.
Not happy.
Need help.

Weekend was hmmm, OK... at least my workouts were GOLDEN :)

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Ready & hungry

I'm done.
I got my massage school finished and after the celebrations I'll drive home.
Tired, happy and eager to breast feed our baba.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Blood, sweat and...

...more blood.
My female bits blew up on Monday. I've been bleeding like a stabbed pig all week.
Oh god I'm so tired...
But I'm getting everything done :)
I'm doing really well at school and with All the exams and tests :)
I want to slee-eeep when I finally get home on Thursday <3

Sunday, November 16, 2014

I just gave up!

My mornings start just under 59kg :(
Yesterday I gave myself one of those "load 'em carbs" days... This morning I woke up just above 58kg.
I ssssuck at this...

I'm tired of fxcking things up by living as well as I can. I want to be BIG and Strong and it's harder than before 'cause I don't have the appetite for food right now.
So what's Really wrong? ;)

No... no new baby.
Nothing like that to my knowledge.
I'm just pissed off at my wanker diet and ass hole training split.
I do not have a clear plan.

Do I lack the will to win and succeed?
I'm still just living from one Small goal to another and it doesn't work.
I need a schedule :)

I need it to last all the way to 12/2016.

I need more than just a paper on the fridge to tell me what to eat and when. I need more than a plan to train quickly in the evenings after baba is in la-la land. I need more than a happy 2400kcal/day and 0 weight gain to show for it... I want fxcking RESULTS!!!

So... back to the main topic.
Have I really given up?
NO.
Of course not.
I've lost some fat and although it makes me look smaller and nicer I'm still aiming for MORE weight, more muscle and more "iron in my diet" ;)

Only I know what's wrong with this body...

So how do I start?... This is how:

1. I test myself at home with different exercises to see how strong/weak I am. Just something basic like push ups, chin ups, ab+back exercises and running. These I'll do this Monday :)

2. I write up the diet that I'm going to use for the next 3 months and I plan my carb loading days to work with my work outs. This will be done today (actually it's already done).

3. I plan and write up my workouts (I'll just copy something old/good and give it a new twist) and I'll give myself a 3 week split: strenght, speed, volume. This will be done next Thursday night <3

4. I'll make time for 4 gym nights per week and I'll spice 'em up with 7 long walks (with baby) and 2 short runs. The nights must be flexible and I will not care if they are all back to back. -CHECK!

What could possibly go wrong: I'll get sick (not gonna happen), baby gets sick (I hope not, he's never been sick), honey gets sick... see the pattern? All my worries are about people getting sick, Not about being bored or too tired or busy. So no matter what happens, my Worries are very small.

Lets do this! :D
...
But not yet. Next week I'm on a trip -Again- and it messes everything up :/

But I'll start my diet NOW and by next Friday morning I'll start my (new) workouts. I'll stick to my old workouts 'till then ;) (no rest)

Oh Boy, do I feel better again :)
I have a plan for the next 3 months :)
By then I'll have my next photo shoot and kiddo will be much bigger :) And after 3 months I'll KNOW When I'll compete again <3 (right now my weight is a huge problem)...so I'll know if I really need More help with my diet. 



Saturday, November 15, 2014

Why do they die?

My cousin died. His dad died too.
That was all my dream wanted to say.

Why do people die in dreams?

When I was little my friend told me that it only means that they'll live a very long time (in real life) if they die in dreams... well that's stupid! I should start killing people in my dream world if that actually helped!?

***

My back hurts. Our bed is too soft. It's too old and it's more like a pit than a place to rest.
We went looking for a new bed and when we tested some of the hard mattresses I could FEEL that a better future would come to my dream world as soon as we got a better BED! :)

I love it when I can tell the future just by being quiet for a while <3

Friday, November 14, 2014

The worst yoga I've ever been to

Last night I got a card that said: "Come to yoga, have yoga with us, yoga is good."
So I went.

It was shit.

About 20 women got stuffed into a small room with a cold floor. I found a spot by the emergency door and wondered if the room would heat up at some point. The lady who was giving the course told us to lie on the floor and just listen to the music.

What?

This is it? This is yoga?

A woman on my right side kept coming closer... she kept saying that the whole idea was to snuggle and giggle for an hour. (What the f...)

After few minutes of the cold floor, shitty music and an over interested co-yogist I got out of there. I told the yogi-lady (or what ever) that I'm not paying for anything and that she can just stop sending me cards.

I'm never going to yoga.

Don't try this in real life

It wasn't my idea. For some reason I got pulled into a stunt involving a jetski, a power boat, a huge ramp in the river Mississippi and something resembling a death wish...

Here's a drawing of the ramp and what the stunt was about:


The ramp is 10m high and it has a 50cm vertical bit on the top. The idea was that the power boat pulled us (at the same time) over the ramp and it would be a some kind of a world record (The Longest airtime with one woman and one dude -on a jetski- over the river Mississippi). The ramp should throw us higher and longer but as I found out all it did was that the jetski made it -just and just- but my rope snapped at the highest point and I got slammed into the water back first. 

I remember the horror of being pulled like a limp doll over the ramp and seeing that last bit of ramp closing in... I remember wondering if it would hurt much to break both my legs and probably end up dead in the water, or be eaten by crocs... I remember the guy on the jetski said that he didn't want me up the flying by his side. Who the hell was this guy? I never want to see him again.

New life

Kiddo's been around for months now. I wonder how he likes it...
I talk to him a lot. But I mostly whisper. He'll propably think he's deaf or then he'll grow ears like a bat. I really should talk louder... but I'm used to whispering and being quiet when big, important stuff is up.
I articulate well and I use grownup language. Still... It would help if he actually heard me?


+1 C

Thursday, November 13, 2014

S.A.

Last night I was back in South Africa :)

We had a picnic by a green lake and I kept wondering if crocs wound eat my toes if I walked around in the shallow water...
We drove around different towns and for some reason I got a needle stuck between my Th12 & L1 in a local hospital. It hurt a bit. But it didn't seem to do anything (I could still move my legs and lower body, I had feeling in them too)

Later on in the dream we went to the airport to board our plane.
And again just like in SO many of my dreams the flight was destined to fly straight to Iceland. I don't understand the magic with that island?.. I've never been there and we're in no hurry to go there either. Still it pops up in to my dreams every week...

I think we got to Iceland but I was in the middle of a Russian mafia battle and my BMW (I had a Big one this time <3 and it had an American old school V8 engine in it <3 ) kept getting shot at... Some men came up to me while I was trying to find my way out of a sand pit. They pushed their way in to the car and tried to shoot me with a star pistol. I got one of them with his own gun but the other shot my seat. Burning leather and blood from my fists made the dream "thinner"... I woke up.
Stupid Iceland.
Stupid mafia and their weird guns.

I had FUN in S.A. I hope I can go back again, soon :)

napping with baba

Cardio test

We went for a walk ~1 hour = 150kcal.

We spent an hour at home. I did wifey stuff and kiddo did his back work out and slept = 100 kcal.

+1 C

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Good night

Sleep tight...
I'm done with the real world for today.
Kiddo and I are heading to sleepy land (we'll wake up every now and then...) :)
I've got my hopes for this night's dreams and I'm bringing back a few ghosts. We'll see in the morning how well I did and with whom.
;)

The forbidden...

...BREAD.

I stopped eating bread again. (For the next 4 weeks or so.)
I'm cleaning up... bread makes me feel too full. It's hard to eat more if I'm full all the time.

Bread doesn't like this.
I smell it everywhere. It creeps up to me in the grocery store... It looks better than EVER... it calls me in my dreams and I find myself thinking about it constantly.

God damn CARBS!

Forbidden bread... I also had a nightmare about spending too much money on clothes that kept disappearing. I was broke, naked and stuffing bread in to my face. Talk about a hellish night :/

Kiddo got some porridge this week. I'll make him more and try not to go crazy from the smell of it <3 hmmm, porridge <3


Tuesday, November 11, 2014

the wrong wormhole

I took the wrong wormhole home last night... My spaceship got pulled to a faraway place in deep space. A green planet pulled me towards it. Two blue moons, one with a beautiful ring around it, made my ship shake and roll...
I know that planet.
I know the creatures that live there. The shadow people.

The stars were astonishing... I wanted to stay there. Under those new blue and yellow stars.

But it was not the way home.
I powered up my warp drive and took off...


Get over it

Last week left it's marks... I had a mental hangover for days. It was in a good way but I was SO glad it ended on Sunday.

But then... something still kept creeping up and I found myself in a state of loss, I still missed my old job... so bad that when I went for a walk yesterday I felt like I was walking back from a funeral. No... more like a wake.

Last time it took me months to get over it. I guess I never did?
Could this time be any different?

I don't think so and I don't care. So I'll never let go. So fxcking what!

I have a life, a different life, right now.

I'll still keep taking risks and living big.
This life is NOW and it's ALL MINE ;)

So fxck the hangover and keep it as a pleasant memory <3
Some day I might be called back again so I better be OK about it :)

One day it's my turn to leave marks...

Saturday, November 8, 2014

The lover

I went back... Back in time.
The ghost from my past was there... My old love. My old job.
I think I still love it.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Fun in the s... Rain.

...this week I'm back in my old life.
"Army stuff all week..."
The food is not... hmmm, not good. Bread and potatoes every day.
It's dark and rainy.
Coffee is hot and the days are long.
Friday = click-click, Boom!! ;) ;)
That's about all I'll say.


Saturday, November 1, 2014

No pain no gain?

What the hell happened last Monday? I had a leg day and pushed up 200kg (+ the weight of the leg press) six times. I did 5 or 6 sets on that leg press (all together) but my legs were fine All week!
Did it really happen? Maybe I have a mental strength that did the pushing?? I got it on video.
Haaa! I need to use more weight!?! ;)

A zombie in a volvo

It's that fun night again. Every "bad hair day" is out having fun with false teeth and a rubber nose :)
I just saw a zombie driving a volvo.
We're not going out for candy and fun. But I did go out for a quick shoulder workout...
Iron is still getting lighter as I get better. Every week I can grab more weights and make 'em my bitches :-P
Two more nights at home and then I have to go away for a week. I miss my honey and kiddo already :/
I don't have winter tires on my car yet. I hope it won't snow.
I hope no-one crashes into Me either.


Thursday, October 30, 2014

But he's just a boy

They all grow up...
I hope we teach our boy to live a strong life ;)


This week's obligatory Arnold quote :)

...

BTW, kiddo is talking in dolphin language. High shrieks and everything <3

Sunday, October 26, 2014

The M word

I don't use the word "mother". I don't use in Finnish either (mother = äiti). Does this mean I'm a bad mom? I don't use the word "father" either (father = isä).

Maybe this will change?

Does it even matter?

Big mama

Gosh... 61kg. With dirty hair.




My fat% is close to 17%... It's not much but it makes me look big when I get a pump. If I dropped the fat and kept the muscles I would still look ok but SO thin that I would hate it.
So the plan is:
- Keep eating clean and drinking lots of water
- Keep training Hard to BUILD muscle
- Keep stretching and stay flexible
- Keep a daily cardio routine (with the baby)
- Keep honey happy
- Keep baby happy etc...

Easy? Yes.
Do I need to shut out the rest of the planet to make these things happen? No.
Do I have the right to be tired sometimes? Ofcourse.

Do I love my life?
YES :)