I just gave up!

My mornings start just under 59kg :(
Yesterday I gave myself one of those "load 'em carbs" days... This morning I woke up just above 58kg.
I ssssuck at this...

I'm tired of fxcking things up by living as well as I can. I want to be BIG and Strong and it's harder than before 'cause I don't have the appetite for food right now.
So what's Really wrong? ;)

No... no new baby.
Nothing like that to my knowledge.
I'm just pissed off at my wanker diet and ass hole training split.
I do not have a clear plan.

Do I lack the will to win and succeed?
I'm still just living from one Small goal to another and it doesn't work.
I need a schedule :)

I need it to last all the way to 12/2016.

I need more than just a paper on the fridge to tell me what to eat and when. I need more than a plan to train quickly in the evenings after baba is in la-la land. I need more than a happy 2400kcal/day and 0 weight gain to show for it... I want fxcking RESULTS!!!

So... back to the main topic.
Have I really given up?
NO.
Of course not.
I've lost some fat and although it makes me look smaller and nicer I'm still aiming for MORE weight, more muscle and more "iron in my diet" ;)

Only I know what's wrong with this body...

So how do I start?... This is how:

1. I test myself at home with different exercises to see how strong/weak I am. Just something basic like push ups, chin ups, ab+back exercises and running. These I'll do this Monday :)

2. I write up the diet that I'm going to use for the next 3 months and I plan my carb loading days to work with my work outs. This will be done today (actually it's already done).

3. I plan and write up my workouts (I'll just copy something old/good and give it a new twist) and I'll give myself a 3 week split: strenght, speed, volume. This will be done next Thursday night <3

4. I'll make time for 4 gym nights per week and I'll spice 'em up with 7 long walks (with baby) and 2 short runs. The nights must be flexible and I will not care if they are all back to back. -CHECK!

What could possibly go wrong: I'll get sick (not gonna happen), baby gets sick (I hope not, he's never been sick), honey gets sick... see the pattern? All my worries are about people getting sick, Not about being bored or too tired or busy. So no matter what happens, my Worries are very small.

Lets do this! :D

...

But not yet. Next week I'm on a trip -Again- and it messes everything up :/

But I'll start my diet NOW and by next Friday morning I'll start my (new) workouts. I'll stick to my old workouts 'till then ;) (no rest)

Oh Boy, do I feel better again :)

I have a plan for the next 3 months :)

By then I'll have my next photo shoot and kiddo will be much bigger :) And after 3 months I'll KNOW When I'll compete again <3 (right now my weight is a huge problem)...so I'll know if I really need More help with my diet.