Sunday, September 27, 2015

I am not for sale

Some random guy got into my dreams last night.
I was hanging around in a bicycle cellar with kiddo. I think I was teaching him about the invention of the wheel. ....

The guy kept talking to me like I was for sale. "Yes. You look good. I'll take you... "
I hated his smile.

I felt bad. I didn't want to hurt him but I was Not going to let him take me away from kiddo.
I got aggressive and shouted at him. I remember feeling very good about myself and I felt strong and liberated because I could attack him verbally.
We fled. I grabbed kiddo and ran out the door. The man did not follow.
I think he lost interest after I had emasculated him with my words.

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Fake it or die

They wanted to kill me.
They wanted to see me cry... and then die.

I saw what they did to the girl in front of me.
She got fried like a rat.
I was afraid. Not often do I find myself in this kind of shit (in my nightmares...).

It was my turn.
The alien woman looked at me and smiled. Well... she didn't have lips so I only saw her grin... she looked like something I had seen on Farscape. A tall humanoid with an elongated head and no eyes. Legs like a kangaroo but the top half of a chimp. Skin so white it was transparent and clothed like a domina from a bikini nightmare... black and red leather with more than plenty cut/worn out bondage ropes hanging around her waist and around her neck and wrists...

...she told me to stand by the window. My hands were tied to a radiator and a metal string was handed to me.

A bony, thin alien dressed in tight, black leather underwear talked to me through a mask that seemed to change its voice to a low growl:
"Hang on to that string. Don't let go or we will hurt you more.
When the electricity starts to flow you will first feel a light humming. Then we will zap you. As we learn how much you can handle we will keep adding until it kills you.
So don't let go.
You'll live longer.
It will hurt but the view is beautiful, isn't it?..."

I looked out.
The view was out to the messy and crappy streets of an old European city.
I think I was in Prague again.

Shit.
I can't let them kill me.
The first humming sensation started. Then I felt the Zap!
"Huhh... not bad."

I noticed that I could reach the curtains. I looked back. No one was looking.
I grabbed the curtains and twisted them around the metal string I was holding. A dry cloth might just give me the time I need to think my way out of this mess...
A new humming. The next zap. I hardly felt it but I jumped a bit to make them think it was working. .. the aliens were already prepping their next victim.

I had no idea how often I would be zapped. Maybe they just liked to look at pain. ...but why did everyone have to die?
"No witnesses." :/

I didn't get a new zap for minutes and I got more and more worried that they had figured out my trick with the curtains. I still hadn't come up with a way to free myself from the radiator.

"Shit... think bitch!" I got SO angry at myself. Here I was. Being tortured and waiting to die like a fxcking lamb with a limp.
I felt adrenaline filling my veins, flowing to my muscles and making my eyes red. I had the pump from hell and my shirt ripped under my arms.
I ripped the fucking radiator out of the wall, threw it at the smaller alien killing it instantly. Then I pulled the metal string out of the wall and shouted to the tall alien woman that I was going to hang her with it. I started running straight at her with NO ideas about HOW the hell I was going to hang that giant with a piece of string.
The girl that was being prepped to get killed after me kicked the alien in the foot and ran off.
That was all I needed. A distraction. I jumped and slid between her legs and got behind her before she had time to react. I swung the rope around her neck and pulled with all my strength.

"Don't let go. You'll live longer..."

...

I woke up but this nightmare bothered me all day long.
:(

I don't understand it.
Maybe my mind is still going through some of the shit I lived through this summer?

The end of pump week

It's done now. .. I tested both power week and pump week :)
Now it's time to add some weight and keep going, keep growing, keep showing results to my reflection in the mirror and gaining Everything I need to reach my Dreams ;)

Work.
Work.
Work.

Repeat.

Friday, September 25, 2015

She may not know this but...

I got in.
I rarely even understand that I spend time in other people's houses and they don't know it. I just do it.

As I shut the door behind me I smelled it.
Clean air. Clean floors. No dust.
Everything was new and shiny.

I especially loved the white floors :)

Man, she has good taste!

I knew she moved somewhere since her "divorce", but I had no idea that she didn't just get some small flat on the edge of town... She got a fxcking penthouse!
The hallway was wide (it had walk in closets on both sides of it) and it opened up to the dining room/living room and kitchen. Everything was white and black. The kitchen had a round shape to it but no walls to block it from the dining area. It looked like a small Japanese restaurant.

Some of the furniture was really old and rustic but they fitted in to the flat perfectly. I even loved her choice in rugs... Persian :) BIG Persian rugs in earthy colors and not lined up with the walls or other furniture... just thrown on the floor and owning the space around them.

Giant windows gave the most of the light in to the rooms. It was early evening and the sun was still just high enough to paint the sky with red and orange colors. I walked outside to the balcony and looked out to the sea... We were about 3 blocks from the beach and I could see the traffic and hear the music from the streets down below.

The balcony was bare and empty. I guess she has't had time to put chairs out there or then she just doesn't use it much? She could easily fit a bar&grill out there and 2 sitting areas ;)

I went back in. I remembered she had a small, black dog. It must be in here somewhere...

I found 3 bedrooms and one of them had bunk beds in it. A flat faced cat was sleeping on one of them and her black dog on the other. The dog growled at me when I stepped into the room, but the cat just looked at me with zero interest.
"Hmmm... she has a cat. And the cat has 2 beds... just like the dog. Weird..."

I left the room and kept looking around.
The master bathroom (connected to the master bedroom with double wide, champagne colored glass doors) had a wall of windows looking over the town. Hehee, imagine taking a shower and "everyone" can see you do it. Well, at least for a while until the window fogs up.

This lady knows her worth :D


https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/92/a0/3f/92a03f73e839d18a9cde9ee05d694fdb.jpg





Thursday, September 24, 2015

Life 2.0

Everything is "new".
Everything started from the beginning.

It's a new life.
It's the better me.

I'm still working on my book. I changed the core theme... it's better now.

I'm still lifting.
I'm loving my choice to "work with" Markus Heinänen. I'm really seeing and feeling the difference :)

Monday, September 14, 2015

How will he remember this

It seems that Finland is flooding with people who aren't supposed to be here. 
People who need a peaceful home to live in... they have lost their homes. Well, some of them are lost all together .. Some of them are just FUCKING AROUND AND GETTING US PISSED OFF!!!

But hey... I have to keep things real. In the years to come, how will my kiddo remember me. Will he remember that I did not take sides. Will he remember that I kept my cool and helped the ones that truly needed it?

Will he trust my judgement, will he remember my choices and help people in the future... will he be a "people helper" or a "people hater"...

How can I make him trust that we do not have to leave our home because of war or other shit. ..

What will I tell him when he asks :)


Friday, September 11, 2015

I'm free

The IUD is gone.
It hurt like hell when the good doctor removed it.
But then came bliss. I was free.
The badly gone experiment was over and it was my time to fly again.

I'll write more later. Not about the IUD but about my workouts. My better life :)

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Now what

It's nearly 1am and I'm hungry.
Should I go and eat or should I stick to the meal plan.... my workouts are so late that I can't eat a full meal after them and I sleep 10+2 hours a day so it's tough to eat 5 times a day (plus 3 large drinks when training)...

I need to make changes.

Monday, September 7, 2015

But babies

... but have babies :)

They can be the love of your life.
You can be on any drugs or meds or shit but you NEVER find yourself hating your baby <3

He's always number one ;)

"My shit"

This is the kind of shit I've been using.
Hormones.

Female shit.

I hate this stuff.

It doesn't work.

The pills were shit.
I was angry all the time.

The IUD is worse. I'm physically sick and starting to get depressed about it... all the fxcking time.

Don't do drugs.

Yeah... and don't do birth control.

'Cause it's SHIT!

Don't save her!!

I haven't ridden a "4 wheel crawler" for a while and it shows. .. my dream threw me back to North Carelia. We were on a safari. I had problems with my steering and I found myself in the gutter more than once.

Riding past a farm we got into trouble. The road was blocked. We used reclining chairs to build a bridge for out ATVs. As the first one of us crossed the whole thing cracked and broke. No more bridge.
The farmer wanted us to stay for the night. They had a big farm. Lots of tools for farming little plants and veggies. They loved their old school style.

It started raining rocks. As big as my fist.
We ran inside a barn and locked the doors. The glass buildings around us shattered and broken glass was everywhere.
A zombie girl shouted outside the barn. I was in there with a woman. She panicked. I told her we were safe but she kept screaming that we must save her friend.
"No, idiot! She's a zombie! She'll hurt us!" I shouted.
But she didn't hear me and she started banging at the doors and she broke a window so the gray and smelly zombie could get in...
"Shit! All I have are these spoons..." I had nothing to use as a weapon. The barn was empty. I went through all the different ways to kill a zombie with just two big spoons and suddenly a small child ran straight at me. I jumped and swung my spoon.
"Oh god, no!" It was my kiddo. He had a cut on his forehead and he was crying. He was ok and Not a zombie but I had hurt him by accident. Poor baby.
I held him close and he stopped crying. The zombie was eating the other woman.

I woke up.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

The new PT and what he does

Tomorrow it starts for real. I've been testing my diet now for 4days and it seems to work :)
I'm keeping it as clean as possible and drinking a minimum of 3l per day (water).

Here's what it's all about :

http://trainer24.fi/

I'm dancing to the beats of Markus Heinänen.

...

Tomorrow I have 3 clients and then I'm heading straight for the weights.
It's going to be a long night ;)


Rest and eat

My meal preps are going fine. I'm very pleased with my new diet. I just have to remind myself daily that this is Not a show prep.
I'm still waiting for next week so I can start with my new work out plans... in a way it's good that I take it easy first and then start hitting it hard ;)
Rest. Rest. Kill everything. Rest.

The only slow things in life have to do with my hormonal balance. The fxcking IUD has to go and I hate waiting around for the postman to bring me the letter I'm supposed to get "any day now".

I know it was my fxcking idea to get this thing stuffed inside me but -fxck!- it's been a joyful thing for a lot of women.
"What could go wrong..."
It's just super bad luck that I can't handle this shit... I must be allergic to female hormones :D

I gotta get it out of me before it "kills me".

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

His coming for me...

Something BIG is going to happen and I will share it with you guys as soon as I get the first email. ....

I'm going to push HARD for 9 weeks and it will not be like it used to be.

My new "distant Master" will not be kind.

He is a machine, a winner, a true hero.

I'm expecting a serious amount of pain in both my body and mind.

How long 'til we get there?

I saw the doc today.
She said she can't help.
So I'm still "on drugs"...

She promised to get me an appointment at the local hospital.  They're equipped with all the right stuff and They can help me.

Great.

I wonder if I have to wait another month again.
I'll be "dead" by then :/