Another day with the Baileys

Last night was a weird combo of dreams and coughing (kiddo handled the latter).

As a matter of fact I found out that the people in my dreams are starting to talk to each other. Some of them knew me already 'cause they had been talking to their neighbors. I met this old sea captain who lived in the forest near a swamp that I have to cross now and then. He knew of me already 'cause I had been helping out at his neighbor's house some weeks earlier. That neighbor showed up and the dream got a bit spooky. I was bicycling around with kiddo and when the old guy from the other house showed up the ground froze and it seemed like there was something more to the swamp than just a "place I have to cross sometimes"... the men were really nice to us but the weather got wild. Winter attacked the little valley in seconds and I ran into a car with kiddo. We drove like crazy to the main highways and calmed down.
Winter was everywhere... all the roads were icy and the sky was white. We saw an airport and jumbo jets were taking off one after the other. It wasn't a normal airport. They were using the new sling shot method to help the planes take off with less effort. It was much more like a seesaw. The whole runway would tilt up when the plane was taking off. (It was only used for the big planes.) It made the plane kind of jump into the air. It didn't look safe...

Some of the highways were weird too. Everything was white and beautiful but they were more like the tracks we build with our kids where you have loops and take-off ramps. I passed an old pick up truck that nearly fell off his intersection because it had problems making the jump.

Later on I went shopping for organic eggs. For some reason the hens weren't fed enough nutrients and their eggs kept cracking in my hands before I got to the check out. I saw Rob there. He was buying an old couch. An ugly fxcking couch. I followed him to his warehouse where he said he'll strip the surface and fillings and just use the lumber.
"Lumber... in a couch." I thought.
Dana, Ragz and half their farm was there running around.
There was plenty of wood inside that old couch. I was amazed. The whole dream seemed to vortex around that old couch and what was found inside it.    
Most of the time I just listened to how the people around me spoke and how they kept the discussion flowing and interesting... it's some kind of brain candy for me to listen to people talk and interact. ;)

There was also an incident with Robs pants but I won't go into detail. :D

Gosh. I woke up happy and laughing :D

Never been better

The first week of squatting at a real gym was great. 

The first day I was supposed to keep my weights down to 70kg but I fxcked up the math and did my second warm up set with 100kg x6.

It was clear I was feeling good so I did 8*8 with 80kg.

I used the same weights on my second day and forgot to do more sets and less reps... or was it the other way around? Ähh, what ever my plan was, I forgot it... so on the third day, Friday, I ended up doing 3 sets of 8 reps with 80kg and 3 sets of 6-8 reps with 90kg.

Monday was also a shoulder day, on Wednesday I added chest moves to my workout and on Friday I did arms with the hard&slow squatting  :)

Everything feels so good here.

I never wanna fxcking leave! :0

And I finally weighed myself : just over 61 kg after breakfast. So I'm around 136 lbs. 

Good enough. At least I have been eating right?  ;)

When the squatting commences

I think I'll try something like this:

https://www.jackedfactory.com/smolov-jr/



I think I'll just have to cut out one of the days... maybe Monday. I can only do 10 days with my early bird pass... I could work harder and buy 2 extra days but then it will be very hard on the rest of my life during that 3,5 weeks that honey is here. I don't know if it's worth it.
It might be.
I'll think about it.



From the web page:
I'm sorry it's all messed up.
I don't have the time to fix it right now...

WEEK 1

Day	Sets	Reps
Monday	6	6	70%
Wednesday	7	5	75%
Friday	8	4	80%
Saturday	10	3	85%

WEEK 2

Note:(When you add the 10-20 pounds onto your percentage, it’s just the same weight you used last week plus 10-20 pounds.)

Day	Sets	Reps
Monday	6	6	70%+10-20 lbs
Wednesday	7	5	75%+10-20 lbs
Friday	8	4	80%+10-20 lbs
Saturday	10	3	85%+10-20 lbs

WEEK 3

Note:(Do not add 15-25 pounds onto your lift in addition to the 10-20 from week 2. Instead add on extra weight to get a total of 15-25 pounds.)

Day	Sets	Reps
Monday	6	6	70%+15-25 lbs
Wednesday	7	5	75%+15-25 lbs
Friday	8	4	80%+15-25 lbs
Saturday	10	3	85%+15-25 lbs

After 2,5 weeks in America

...what do I look like?

Am I fatter...
(My hair is flat and boring but my skin is loving this place!)

Well... maybe not fatter but definitely a bit softer.
I'm not worried about it. Come what may...

I was hoping to put on a few pounds when I'm here. Maybe by Easter it will be that way :)
We'll see. In a week I can buy my gym card to Riley center and hit the big weights. Squats, squats and more squats ❤

Oohhh... 10 workouts in 3,5 weeks. It will be Brutal because I said so!!! :D

Important (final edit)

www.livefreelaughhardfitness.com

http://www.nalamag.com/Natural-Awakenings-Southern-Louisiana/January-2016/Iina-Antikainen-Putting-the-Personal-Back-in-Training/

I wish I had monkey feet

I wish I had monkey feet so that I could hang on to your ankles when we sleep. I would then know you are there, close to me.

I wish I had monkey feet so that I could give you a foot massage (under the table) while we eat breakfast. 

The words beneath my wings

"It is possible."
Say it.
"It is possible."
Don't be afraid. It's your life. You deserve it.
"All you are is You. Chase your dreams. Be greater. It is possible."

Love,
me

I'm coming to get you

Bill waited for me last night. 
Leaning against the fence like a lazy milkman and smiling his heart off... In the morning sun.
It was burning him already but he let it hurt him. His dead, white skin was sizzling and turning to black ash.

I didn't know what to do.

I slowed down. Kept my eye on him and walked past...
"Good morning, it's going to be a lovely day." He said.
"Yes. It's a great day." I answered.
I was too scared to look back. He was in flames already.
I cried.

I'm still not ok with his true death  :(

Kiddo speaks

He's been using real words again... "Ei, ota, mama, maito, pöytä, lelu, auto, valo..." a lot of words.
Some days he just mumbles and on others he seems like a real person ;)

Some days he's more Russian than Finnish. It's all in the sizzling S's and Da's :D

A perfect day

We get up around 4am... well, actually kiddo gets up, asks for stuff like: he wants to go downstairs, he wants the light on, he wants milk... so I check my watch: 03:57.
It's weird how this keeps happening every day :)
03:57... it must be important. ;)

We go wash up, teeth are important  (kiddo washes mine) and he gets a fresh diaper.
Down stairs I put the light on in the playroom and make coffee. Kiddo gets a small milk and I watch the news on TV.

By 6am it's breakfast time and I've downed two coffees. (Aaaahhhh... that feeling)
I get a lot of work done in the morning :)

Usually we walk around the block and enjoy the morning at 8am.
Unusually kiddo steps into poop and I get it on my hands as I try to help him get up...

We have another breakfast around 9am and I get a short but exhausting workout done around 10am-11am when kiddo sleeps an hour or two.

Shower and lunch later we're ready to go out again so we go for a longer walk and take pictures or check places we're interested in. We always get back before 4pm and eat dinner around 5pm.
Kiddo says nighty-nigh by 6pm and I have another window of "peace" to work. :)

Like I said: a perfect day.

(I actually watched Jepardy! for a brief moment tonight. It was like sitting on a movie set :D ...so stupid.)

At home workouts in NOLA

Nothing but rubber bands and sneakers... 

The Riley Center is not far, a 25 min walk. It's a big university gym (Tulane).

 We checked it out and YES I am going next month when I get more help with kiddo and my other stuff :) It's 60 dollars/10 times but you have to be in by 1pm. Easy :)

Meanwhile it's home gym and long walks. It's amazing what a person can do at home WHEN SHE HAS NO OTHER CHOICE :D
I just use slow and long movements to feel the muscles and to both stretch and squeeze them. I'm not looking for a specific rep range but a BURN and the failure in the end.

I was a bit worried about the pistol squat at first but it's actually quite good. Just stretch your calves people!

Some easy moves:

squats

sumo squat with bands (lean back hard)

one legged squats

pistol squats

step ups

side squats

donkey kicks (+ with bands)

"that dog move" :)

lunges & half lunges (stay low and pump it)

I've also worked on my back and shoulders and arms and abs and what ever... Low rows, high rows, one arm moves, push ups, dips etc.

The bands can come from the top or the bottom of the door so I can really work on my biceps and forearms, I can do the same lying on my back, I can keep my back to the door and hit the triceps with a long range of motion or even do some twists for my core (start the lawnmower)...

Don't give up if you're "stuck at home". Make it work <3

I'm sure the food here is hot and super good but so far I'm just keeping up to my old habits.

I did try a pizza one day but I got it from SUBWAY. Hah! Subway sells pizza :D That's so not healthy...

Time stamp

I changed my blog (finally) to Finnish time.
I had it on some kind of a Pacific clock earlier... what ever...

but it's useless to have in Helsinki time now that we're leaving.

So I'll change it to NOLA time before I go.

Maybe I'll never remember (or care) to change it back. Who knows.
We'll fly back after Easter.

If everything goes Right ...or if everything goes to plan I'll be more relaxed and real than ever before :)
And a bit fatter. ;D

Snow and pizza

It's the last morning... tonight we go.


5 hours and it's bye bye time.

Good bye Finland, hello world :)

I'm doing this for me.
It's all about Me.
It's not selfish, it's not weird.
It's just Me.

This blog might be quiet until I find the next wifi on the other side of that great ocean.
I'll find it.
It takes us about 40h to get there. It will be around 7pm for them and 3 am for us :D
It might hurt a bit :)

And I'll focus on writing about anything and everything.
Hopefully I'll have time for sports too :)

I ate all the pizza and ice-cream I could before we leave.
It won't be like that where we live.

We played in the snow before we left. ...it won't be here when we come back.

Bill

"It's been a while..."
"Yes."
"Have you been good to yourself?"
"..."

***

I saw him last night.
He startled me.
I had no idea he's still around.
He looked good.
A bit too good for a dead guy...

❤

Next year

Next year... the New year. A new you? A better you? A Greater You...?

Stop fxcking around and make a change.

Don't try to change Everything and everyone. Just you. One small thing about yourself that you Want to change.
Just one small thing.

Then you'll see how easy it is and you can change another thing and another and another. ....

Small steps :)
And don't stop if you get something wrong or if you fail or if nothing happens. Don't stop.
Don't worry.

We all fail.
We don't shout about it.
Sometimes we might cry about it.
But remember : we all get up. We are all loved by someone and we are all equal.

***

Less than a week left.
Last night I felt fear. I was truly scared to go. I cried a bit. It helped.
Afterwards I felt great. :)
My mind needed to cry out. It needed a hug.
I got my hugs. I felt better.

So I wonder...
If I was not going to travel with kiddo WHO would I hug every day?
A pillow?  :/

Thank goddess kiddo is coming too <3

How I failed today

I just looked through a video where I do jump squats, med ball (5kg) jumps, step ups (with 30kg) and some more squats... I did it all. I killed my quads with 3 rounds. Circuit of hell :)
But...
I started the whole shit with a shrug. Not a "hell yeah" shrug but an "oh shit... one more set" shrug.

Sure it didn't look like it mattered BUT now that I look at it later on and I see myself through someone else's eyes... fxcking fxck, I will never do that slobby ass shrug again.

It's not a usual thing in my life (to shrug like that) but I Will keep an eye on me.
No more pussy shrugs and "last set tiredness".

Life's too short to fxck up on a leg day. Life's too short to drag myself down. There are plenty of people out there who will do it for me. ;)
Fxck 'em.

From now on I'll either kill it or go home early.

No time to fxck around.

It's real now.
The whole thing.

No shit.

Just a giant fan hitting me on the head.

On the 5th

How to pack a bag (for two) for 3 months...

- 1 rll toilet paper (just in case)
- some small/flat/light toys
- an umbrella (it WILL rain, "it's winter")
- first aid pack (basic meds)
- hygiene bag + nappies
- sleeping bag
- milk powder and porridge
- 2 towels
- paper and pens
- computer
- shorts
- my BIG coffee mug ;)
- ...

--> I'm packing my useless shit (too old or worn out) and wearing that around the house... and I'm also packing all my MOSTLY cool stuff that I will wear around town (sport clothes).
And when it's time to come back to Finland I'll just through the ugly-worn out-shit away and pack the good stuff.

Gosh I hope I won't loose any weight :(
There will be a lot more cardio than I'm used to and I need to do some basic body weight workouts (every day) too...


***


I'll be killing my legs at the gym tonight.
Volume and long sets, I think... yeah, that sounds good :)

2 weeks left

It's time. ...

Walking through that door will change me for good.

Flying is Sirius

http://www.siriussport.fi/

Mental breakdown

I noticed last night as I was lifting that my concentration can be thrown off really easily.

I had maybe 100kg on my back as I was squatting away and it felt nice and sturdy.
But when a big guy behind me (who was doing deads) was finished left to do some low rows... I just lost "the feeling "....? I guess I kinda lost my training partner?

It was weird. I stopped squatting and started on the hack squat. I went as high as 80kg. (Machine +40) Higher than ever!  So it wasn't due to fatigue that my squats failed in the last set. It was due to the loss of "faith" or whatever. .. mojo?...

Chest and shoulders

I started with a slow and boring warm up... I guess it's better than nothing but I've never been much of a warmer upper... full body stuff and a light sweat. At least I know my skin is ready and my heart has a beat.

...first some machine and cable action followed by bench pressing (3 different grips). On to the Smith machine and incline stuff... I think I followed with some cable front raises with a super set of plate raises... from there it got boring again and I did some flyes and moved on to shoulders... slow side laterals (one arm at a time at first) and faster front+side laterals with looooong sets. To finish my delts off I pumped everything to shit with some drop sets and posing.

Stretching, foam rolling, planking (I suck at it)... it was a Good workout even though it started like a bad one.
:)

Stats

Over 600 entries and over 20 000 views
:)

This is starting to feel like a real blog now.

It's not about the number of views my posts get... it's about learning to write and living honest to myself.
It's not easy.
:)

a 6 hour dream

I had the possibility to "sleep" around the clock. I took it.

One really long dream got stuck on a loop in my head:

Those city blocks were different. They looked like a movie scene. Just like old New York... or at least the way I imagined old New York. Stone buildings with beautiful windows and narrow streets. None of the street lights worked but I could see that the restaurants had lights on and that the hotel we had booked was also open.
One thing still bothered me... there were cars every where. All the parking places were taken and some of the older cars had a layer of dust on them like they had just been left there... even the small parks were filled with cars... they seemed to be abandoned.
What is this place?

(so idea of the style of the hotel and the cars...)

http://i1314.photobucket.com/albums/t565/SladeSV/DSC_6678_zpsowxvgvbh.jpg

http://forums.aaca.org/uploads/monthly_10_2012/post-88629-143139203488.jpg

http://www.oxfordhistory.org.uk/images/images_high/buildings_south/092_94_alt.jpg

We left our car on the street and walked to the hotel. A skinny young chap told us to fill in "the contracts" and he sent our luggage to our room before we were even sure if we wanted to stay. "Oh, don't worry about the staying part. Everybody has stayed here ;)" he said and grinned.

The hotel looked old and super stylish in an super old fashioned way. It even smelled like an old hotel... I wasn't expecting much from our room.
We were lead to a door and as it opened I saw I was right about not liking this place.
It was a open space with ten bunk beds. All of the beds were taken but two. Me and my friend grabbed our luggage and walked to our beds. Some of the other guests were already asleep and snoring. I noticed that the men didn't wear anything to bed and that the women were gagged and tied to their bedposts...
"...great... I better not sleep or then I should go back down and get my gun out of the car." I thought.
At this point I notices that my "friend" wasn't my friend at all but just some hobo I had found wondering around the city... (I woke up for a sec and noticed that kiddo had climbed into bed and was kicking my face at that moment.)

I heard the door got locked from the out side. Shit. Wedecided to play along. None of the other guests seemed to mind us coming in so maybe what ever they had been doing earlier had been enough for tonight.
About an hour later (I couldn't sleep) I noticed that a small window had been opened behind all the beds. If I was careful enough I could climb out and get to my car. I remembered something sick about the "entry form" or contract like the clerk said... they asked for my blood type and if I had lost any organs lately... jeesus :(

For some un-explainable reason I had to sneak over all the other beds and sleepers. All those fat bastards with their hairy butts and women with sweaty hair and half chewed off gag balls in their mouths... I was lucky that the beds were narrow and they had a wooden frame. I could just tiptoe my way across the room and just as I made it to the window the man sleeping next to it woke up and grabbed my leg with a grip that made me cry out...

"Now where are you going my little beauty?... now, now, now, I haven't seen you here before. No, no, no, no-one leaves with out being introduced to my highness first..." he had a soft, quiet voice and he looked at me like I was his breakfast. I didn't let it get to me. I'm a fxcking survivor. Not a victim!!! I kicked his hand off and threw the blanket over his head. It was wet so it stuck just a little bit... it took him a sec to free himself and by that time I was out the window and on the narrow ledge. I quickly made my way to the fire ladder and back into the hotel. I had to get some answers before I would run to my car... my car!! Where was it?
I had left it in the street but it wasn't there anymore.
Forget the answers, I want my car back!

(my car in this dream...)

http://www.oocities.org/motorcity/3652/1968/68rs4.jpg

I climbed down to the street and looked around. Cars everywhere but my 68 Camaro was nowhere to been seen... :(
"My car... :( I'll fxcking kill them for this >:( !!!"

I walked back into the hotel in my underwear but I didn't see anyone. I got into the service lift and picked the floor that had the most worn out button. Floor 8.
Just when the doors opened I felt a punch in the face. Somebody had been waiting for me. (IRL kiddo kicked me in the nose.)
I collapsed and I was carried to the other side of the lab.
"What should we do with her? She has the wrong blood type but she knows too much?..." I heard people arguing especially about my internal organs and skin color.
"She's good for training... we need some skin to burn... get the scalpel." ...somebody hit me over the head with a metal bed pan and I dosed off again (IRL kiddo had gotten up but the decided to fall back down and our heads had bumped.).
I woke up again. I was tied to a table and alone in the lab. I still had my skin on and by the looks of it I was lucky. Some of the other tables were covered in blood and bone fragments.
I saw a list on the wall:

Oc: android
Ot: android
Dr. Zeus: the king of all these blocks
number of badguys: 2 + 16
time elapsed since we started this journey: 60 years

The lift came back and the doors opened.
"Oh good. You're awake. I am Oc."
A youngish man walked closer and I couldn't tell if he really was an android or not. But he did try to smile and it looked more like he had gas.
"You must be wondering why you are here, hmm?"
"No. I'm wondering where the hell my car is."
"Oh, we have your car. And all the cars from out previous visitors through out the years... don't worry about it. We will take good care of it." he added another of his flatulent smiles...

I kept wondering how I could outsmart an android and I kept thinking about some old StarTrek adventures... there must be a way to get off this table.
"Could I still see my car one more time. I love that machine. He's like my husband..."
Oc stared at me for a moment. I could tell he was experiencing something new and interesting...
"Yes... you love him. Can I see how much... I can take you to him one more time. Show me there."
"Oh yeah... sure. I'll show you how to love a car :)"

He unstrapped me and we went downstairs. He had his hand around my left arm and I had to cry all the way down because he was hurting me so much... I added some extra stumbling to make him think he had broken me. I needed him to relax... I was going to give him the show of his life when we get to my Camaro... gosh I hope my hand gun was still in the glove compartment.

"GARRY!" I shouted when we arrived.
"How ya doing baby?" I climbed on the hood and rubbed my body all over...
"Let me in baby... let me touch you where it tickles..." I opened the right hand door and reached in. I kept my eyes on the android and licked my lips. He had his mouth open and just stood there, 3 feet from the car.

I felt a gun in my hand, kissed my car and popped two in the android's chest and one in the head.
He went down like a bookshelf. The blue smoke came out so I knew he was offline for good.
I checked my gun was ok, got my knickers out of my butt crack and walked back to the hotel.
"God damn what a night."

I was going to put and end to this car-napping and crazy shit.
I knew this Dr. Zeus was the answer and that I needed to find him soon. This time I used the fire escape ladders and started at the roof. To my surprise I was not alone. Three teams of spec.ops were also up there.
"Leave this to us, madam."

They raided the whole building and took down all the bad guys. Ot was found in a service lift having sex with a coffee maker. (I gotta stop watching android movies.)
Dr. Zeus was not so lucky. The spec.ops had cut of his legs and skinned him. They were dragging his empty skin around on a green shower curtain. I could see how his back had staples (3 inches wide) on it running down from his neck to his butt. He still had his "disco ball" underwear on. The spec.ops guys dressed Ot with Dr. Zeus's skin and interrogated him... or them... (oh fxck this dream got sick.)
They had to staple his eye brows to his head so the eye holes would stay in one place as he spoke. For some reason he smiled and snickered like it was funny...

It turns out that the hotel was a front for a genetic manipulation center. A place where Dr. Zeus (who wasn't really a doctor of anything) was learning on his own to clone people so he could take over the world. He was an exceptional scientist when it comes to building androids and robots but a total thumb up the ass when it came to cloning... :D

I sneaked back in to the lab and retrieved the samples they had taken off me. 4 small paper boxes. I hid them in my tank top and walked quietly past one of the guards. He looked at my square boobs and I said:"Dr. Zeus made these." He told me to see a real doctor, soon.

I walked to my car.
I took out the boxes.
They had writing on them:
- green box: blood sample
- blue box: urine sample (now how the hell did they squeeze that out of me?)
- red box: a bit of hair
- yellow box: "anger hormones"

HaH :D what ever they were going to build out of my little samples I'll never know...

***

In other news: I have a chest day today...
I've been thinking about cutting down on pure arm days and focusing on bench presses and back/leg days... hmmm...

It would be a change and when done right (AKA safe) I'll still add mass and strength to my arms and shoulders ;)

Home workouts

I did delts last night... I meant to work on my back but I got bored. I started with bent over rows and felt stupid after 2 sets (I had to keep really quiet). Then I tried good mornings (3 sets) but it just didn't hit the spot. After pumping my back with low rows (1 set of 100 reps) I moved to playing around with one arm rows on a db and from there I switched to delts. 4 supersets, 360 reps all together. Upright presses, front, back and side raises... uuuhhh... minimum rest between sets. All standing up and in front of a mirror.
(I need to see how my core stays put and how my arms get tired... it helps to come up with ideas on which supporting muscles to work on.)
Abs I did on the floor but kiddo woke up and joined in...

Tonight I took our son to my neighbour for a play date and did some squats at home. I kept the weights minimal. Just 60kg. I did 3 warm up sets and listened to "motivational speeches" again :)
YouTube is so cool!!
First 5 sets of 10 I did wide and slow with the bench (box squats). The next 5 sets I narrowed it here and there, did 12 reps per set and I didn't go as slow but I also didn't sit on the bench for a sec. I just let it touch my hammies and up I went again.
In the last 3 sets I actually let the weights push me down and forward a bit. I got a much better feel in my quads and my knees were still safe. Although it does bring more stress to my back I felt that with the low weights and my pre exhausted legs I kept the workout in the right area :)

She's a bitch

I got invited to have coffee and rice cakes at my old friend's house.
I went.
Kiddo came too and I knew they had a small kid and another on its way.

He greeted me happily at the door and showed me in. I helped kiddo with his clothes and washed his hands in the bathroom. Everything was fine so we walked to the living room....

"Err..mmm... you can't really stay for coffee." he said.
"Wtf?"
"Well... we are actually hoping to have some sex tonight and the little kid is just about to go to bed." he whispered.
I saw his wife looked at me with anger as she cleaned the kitchen.
"Jassååå..." I felt like an idiot. Why couldn't he say something at the door or fxcking call me before I got in the car and drove all this way?!
The wife came to the living room and sat on the sofa. Her dark (reddish) brown hair looked shiny and perfectly blow dried. Somehow she still looked like a pig in my eyes... She started telling about her day in a way that clearly ment she didn't want me there. Her 8 months pregnant belly got her wheezing and she had to get back up again.
I hated her ladybug tee shirt and baggy old black pants. Fxcking cow. She crawled out of the room and went to her kid. He was running around in the hallway.
I looked at my friend and saw that he was sorry. Sorry about the mess the evening had turned into.
I got up and carried my kid to the door.
I heard the wife hissing to herself:"What the fxck is she still doing here..."

"Good luck with the sex part!" I shouted and slammed the door behind us.

***

What a crazy dream.

A setting sun

It's 1pm and the sun is starting to set... I  should go out if I want to spend any time in the fresh air and bright light.

It will rain for the rest of the week so today is the perfect day to spend some time outside.
And it's just above freezing so it's not even too cold!
:)

But....
There's always a but.
Kiddo is minutes away from starting his nap and he hasn't been interested in eating well for a week now. Maybe he's just fed up with the crappy food or maybe he needs something new and spicy for a change? I don't know.

So why don't I just pack him in some warm clothes and go out anyway... njääh... I want to sleep too.

Believe

I'm very close to letting go of a dream.
It's fxcking hard to build that reality from scratch and it's an everyday struggle to just TRY HARDER and keep at it.
All I can do right now is wait.
I hate this.
I'm not in control and I can't do anything but wait.

All I can do is stay positive and do everything better... I tell people all the time to just Trust themselves and Believe in their choices and Chase their dreams... now I gotta do it too. And it's fxcking hard.

I work at NASA

A nice dream :)
We walked into a fitness club and looked around. It was a round building and it had an open core section so you could see and hear a bit of the different floors with their different sports: crossfit, old school aerobics, power lifting, yoga, bodybuilding etc.
We were going to the top floor: IFB (International Foundation for Bodybuilders)
A woman and a man got in the elevator with us. They were really fit and happy. They asked us if we wanted to try something new.
"Sure... what?" We asked.
"We should get off on floor 8... you'll see then."

I wondered... Floor 8 was just a maintenance floor. It used to be the spa area, but they built a bigger and better spa to the first floor. I especially loved the Finnish saunas and I was going to get a back massage tonight.

The doors opened.
"Welcome to NASA."
:D

Wau!!! It was a fully built and working space station look alike.
We were excited and scared at the same time. Excited to see all of this super clean and expensive computer stuff but scared that they wouldn't let us leave now that we had seen what really goes on on the 8th floor...

I think my dream is telling me to feel free to get off the fxcking lift (just about anywhere) and surprise myself ;)

Press it good...

I tried some new tricks at the gym last Friday night.
Some sort of a "upside down leg press"... at first I practiced using the locks with my feet and getting the feel of the depth and angles.
Then I just kept adding weight until it wasn't safe anymore.
The rubber carpet, that usually is used to give a good grip of the ground, slipped away (on the first push) and took me with it. I would have been in trouble with the 135kg on my face if it wasn't for my knight in a gray shirt who had my back and helped me with the last sets.
:) Thaks dude! I owe you a lot. 

I did put that wooden box on one side just in case if everything fails I'm still left with room to breathe ;)

What if. ..

What if the weather weren't shit and I actually lived in a WARM country. ..
What if my job would leave me with more time to myself and to my hobbies. ..
What if I felt like I was in control instead of just sitting on a bus and waiting for the end stop...
What if I decided to make myself happy and others around me...

What if I just keep chasing my dreams and no matter how scary it gets and no matter how long it takes I Will Make It.

Then what?
...I have reached my goals and made my mark.
So what?
...I'll feel good and find new ways to fulfill my life with joy.
Who cares?
...no one needs to give a fuck. It's all about Me. Even when I stumble and fall flat on my face... it's all for me.
I don't need people around me to keep cheering me on day after day. I don't need constant reminders about looking good or doing well.
Those things make me feel "sick".
Don't get me wrong. I do appreciate a remark here and there when I'm really struggling with my life or just finished a big job or whatever. I just don't need the empty words that are shouted at every god damn sofa pillow or candle arrangement that I've thrown together.

Words wear out. Silence with the right kind of smile is golden ;)

Becoming a Pro

I spent last night hanging out with Nicole Wilkins. She's a Professional athlete and a person I look up to when it comes down to keeping things simple and clear... I follow her on Facebook and once a week I check out her tips on living the fit life on http://www.fitnessrxwomen.com/training/the-fit-life-with-nicole-wilkins/ 

We talked about becoming a Pro.

(Before I went to bed I watched a Japanese documentary about an old couple in Japan who had their own supermarket and they were nearly 80 years old and Still kept up the good work... struggles and all they kept making their dream live on...
They said: ..."I guess to be a professional you have to... you have to make every customer happy... yes. That is it. What else could there be? Make everyone happy... :) " )

Nicole had on light brown gym clothes. Something I've never seen on any one... she looked quite dull and boring :D Nothing had a bling-bling on it or even writing...

She told me that being a Pro is not about the money you make, it's not about the travelling, it's never about the sponsors and it sure ain't in the clothing you ware. We had a long discussion about the meaning behind the word "professional". She showed me Youtube videos and newspaper articles of other people who made a living just like or even better than a (fitness) Pro but -and I quote- "didn't have no freaking pro cards on 'em".

We did a short leg workout before I had to go and look for the best meatball restaurant on the Chinese section of Budapest (I woke up hungry).
Apparently I SHOULD try box jumps 'cause even Nicole has me doing them now. Not just Dana :D
It's a shame my gym doesn't have any boxes to jump on.

Nordic Pro 2014, Lahti

Them sticks

...did legs yesterday.
Blood, sweat and gas :/
My female plumbing system exploded like a bloody fire station just before I got to the leg press part... crap!

It's that idiot time in my cycle again...

But I finished.
I ripped myself out of the comfort zone on every set and made those last reps count.

Squats with slow reps 80kg...

Walking lunges (short step) with 21kg...

Leg press (superset) 125kg...

It was a good night :)

The old tiger

Whiskers all curled or half cut off, paws bleeding and hungry as hell... all alone in her open cage she slept. Waiting for the next day, the next show, Her next big number...

The circus burned down a week ago. Half the clowns died with it. The other half started doing stand up theater or mime stuff in the nearby park. The parrot had said that people gave them apples.
The monkeys moved to New York and it's public knowledge that they are doing just fine in the stock market business...wau,  who knew?!

The old tiger. She didn't know of any other life. The circus had always been there for her. Her life. Her home. Her daily piece of meat... but now... no matter how she growled and jumped through the twisted metal hoop that once used to burn with a bright yellow flame... no matter how scary and cruel she looked, no one applauded, no one screamed, the scent of popcorn was gone, no music, no lights, no dancing bears or high wire acts :(

She still got in the ring every night and did her great act. She still smiled with her heart at the audience she wished she could see once more and bowed in the end like she had seen the horses do in the cowboy act...

She was the last one left.
The one who couldn't leave. No. Not just yet.

Circus Mumundus. Once a glorious place to live and work, now a burned down dream, a pile of ash and tangled metal bars.

Her tail dragged behind her as she walked past the once joyful and full of life trailer area. Black dust stuck to her tail and back legs. Soon she would look more like a dirty old house cat than a fierce, wild tiger...

The stables were empty except for the bats that had moved in yesterday. They loved the location. Close to a park with lots of insects in the trees.

Some of the horses got movie roles, others just retired and moved down south. The bears cashed in their jar of tips and moved to Montana. (I hear the mountains are beautiful this time of year. And that there's plenty of room to sleep through the winter.)

"I'm so tired..." she knew she couldn't keep this up for long. No memory could keep her alive. She needed to feed. Maybe a rat would wonder before her and she could force it to show her where the meat locker was... or maybe not. The rats left before the fire. There was a rumor that they started it. Playing poker with the local alligator. Alligators don't take losing too lightly.

***

I felt REALLY sad writing this.

Something hit home.

But don't EVER ask me about the old tiger.

I'll rather keep her in her open cage right now.

She'll rip your throat open if you ask stupid things.

And she's not That old. Just over 6 years... In her prime! :)

Crazy massage

That little (Actually quite big) spine-roller really gets you where it wants... I like it :)
I rolled on it before and after. During my back w/o I did some foam rolling and stretching.
That "alien spine twister" helps all over! My traps Love it :) even my glutes got a little smack from that crazy monkey ;)

I did one of those Dana inspired back days tonight and WUUUUUUUIIIIIIIIII did it WORK <3

My local gym:
Kuntokellari is in Valkeala. Right next to S-market :)
Lots of parking and Lots of fun locals. And Me :D

www.kuntokellari.fi

But no roller or other invention can help me like the human hand.
I need a proper massage. A looong massage.
Mmmm.....massage ;)

Leggies by Dana

I added some abs to the end (2x100) and almost threw up :/

Squats : 80kg

Hack squat : 40-60kg

Leg press : 90-190kg

Leg ext. : 20-30k

Leg curl : 20-30k

Calves : 25-45kg

Crunches : 2x100

Supps 'n' bench

I went to a supplement store the other night.
Bright red walls and lots of different supps for just about any workout  :)

3 huge guys were talking about stretching and one of them was doing his chest&biceps workout in the store! They had a mini gym in the middle of he store and the owner (a former bodybuilder) let his friends come in and do a workout if they used some of the powders he was selling and if they promised to give their opinion about the products :)

Actually anyone was allowed to do a short workout if they tried some of the products.

....

I'm buying something to take before my workouts. But I think I'll stay away from pump formulas and Too many (different) stimulants. Just something easy like the coffee I've been using :)

Warhouse Gym

It's true.
The Baileys really DID open a public gym this year.

I gotta go to Philadelphia some day.

Not just for the city's history and sightseeing but for a month full of crazy workouts :D

Someday... I'm doing it!

Something Dana asked me

"What are You doing here?"

I was at their gym. The Warhouse Gym.
She saw me on one of the cardio machines and came over... all pumped up and sweaty (Dana, not me). She looked surprised.

I was too early. I guess she knew I was supposed to come and train there this week but for some reason she wanted me to wait...

"Just don't go to the cellar. It's not ready. We're still working on it. I'm sorry about that..."

"No. No worries." I replied.
She walked back to her weights and continued with her shoulder workout.
Rob was in his office... I heard him shout on the phone. (Happily)

...

I had this dream 4 nights ago. I still wonder about it. What was my mind trying to tell me? Or was it a reflection of the future?

What we want the most (and what we work for the most) -> that is what we get in life.
I want to meet Rob Bailey and work with him. On a Big project.
I don't want to work For him but With him.
There's a BIG difference!!! ;) :D

Sick

It's a sick (news) world out there.
I feel that I cannot help in any big way so I'm going to cool off for a while. I'm going to forget about watching the news for two days and just let the experts do the work.

My 9 weeks with Markus Heinänen are almost over and it's time to look at the results. It's time to learn. :) :)
My main hobby, bodybuilding, has reached another goal.

It's time to set the (next) BIG goal in bodybuilding and to go at it with all I got. (Actually I set it two weeks ago)
Reaching that goal will be an adventure! ;)
It won't be easy, I know it will be a struggle every now and then but I know myself better now. Every year I get better and every workout is different.

I won't set a date (a competition) or prep for a photo shoot. I'm setting a goal weight and a goal physique. I'll give myself a rhythm and I'll keep taking progress pictures.
5 gym nights per week is too often for me (I start to burn out around week 6) so I'll cut it down to 4 x week. If that too is too much I'll just cut it down to 3 x week and add more food.

Small steps lead to big results.

Big step

I took a leap of faith today...
I believed in myself and I pushed back all the negativity in the shadows of my mind.
I might make it, I might not. No matter what happens I know I will survive. I will keep growing and becoming the person I am.

I struggle to be Greater.
It is my right as a human.

The fight never ends.

My bff

I see you almost every week. We smile and laugh. We sweat and grin. We show our weaknesses to each other and we grow stronger together. We hate it when we have to part in the end and we can't wait to be together again.
It's a love story.
It's a way of life.
It's as good as sex.
I give myself to you and you make me pay for every breath I take in your arms...

...

I miss you.
I was too tired and busy to come to you tonight. It will be too late when I finally have the time... but we'll always have tomorrow.
The next time.
I can already feel my heart racing.
How rough will you be on me?

I'll see you and my blood will boil. I'll touch you and squeeze you with the very light of my soul.
I wish I could spend more time with you.
I wish it was tomorrow already.

So much, too much

Too tired to give a f...
But I got my workout done.
Kept it clean.
Kept it short.
Got it done :)

Life can be a tired, old dragon sometimes but let it have a nap and you got a fire breathing super sheriff on you ;)

...with some killer calves.

Eye contact

(I wrote this on Friday)

I'm spending the night in Helsinki.
This town (Finland's capital) is both loved and hated by its people... it's built to be nice, warm and inviting with wide roads and market places but it often feels crowded and too small when you ad all the people and (modern, not horse pulled) traffic.

Helsinki is rich with different (and new) cultures but it doesn't live up to its full potential (my opinion). Areas that have giant statues and superior natural parks are totally forgotten and often only enjoyed by their older (retired and lonely-ish) residents.

History thrives all over Helsinki's parks, streets and old buildings but quick fixes and constant repairs to the roads and underground plumbing rip the scenery to shreds with their blinking yellow lights and plastic cones. (Every fxcking year. All year round.)

OOHHH.... The city by the sea, a shiny pearl or a pot of gold to the staggering visitors it hosts every year. Still... so gray and dead most of the time. Is it because of the people who live here or the history it so proudly carries? Pulled apart so many times by the kings of the North and the tsars of the East. Maybe it is the weather?

I lived here half my life until I got older and 50% just wasn't the truth any more.
One of the weirdest things to let go has been to admit that I am not from Helsinki. It's even weirder when foreign people ask where I'm from: "Scandinavia." I say.
I don't like narrowing myself to (just) Finland.

stayed at a friends flat

she has hobbies

and weird antiques

we went to the park...

oh, the beach is open!!

no, wait, it's crowded...

...I spent some time at the gym today. It's father's day in Finland. 

Bench press 1RM!

I finally had the nerves to just do it.
I stacked 60kg to the bench press, got under it and lifted :)

One rep. 1x 60kg :)

The other one was so close but I was alone at the gym.

It was heavy but it was not hard ;)

I wore wrist wraps and a belt (my back hurt).