Cardio test

We went for a walk ~1 hour = 150kcal.

We spent an hour at home. I did wifey stuff and kiddo did his back work out and slept = 100 kcal.

+1 C

Good night

Sleep tight...
I'm done with the real world for today.
Kiddo and I are heading to sleepy land (we'll wake up every now and then...) :)
I've got my hopes for this night's dreams and I'm bringing back a few ghosts. We'll see in the morning how well I did and with whom.
;)

The forbidden...

...BREAD.

I stopped eating bread again. (For the next 4 weeks or so.)
I'm cleaning up... bread makes me feel too full. It's hard to eat more if I'm full all the time.

Bread doesn't like this.
I smell it everywhere. It creeps up to me in the grocery store... It looks better than EVER... it calls me in my dreams and I find myself thinking about it constantly.

God damn CARBS!

Forbidden bread... I also had a nightmare about spending too much money on clothes that kept disappearing. I was broke, naked and stuffing bread in to my face. Talk about a hellish night :/

Kiddo got some porridge this week. I'll make him more and try not to go crazy from the smell of it <3 hmmm, porridge <3

the wrong wormhole

I took the wrong wormhole home last night... My spaceship got pulled to a faraway place in deep space. A green planet pulled me towards it. Two blue moons, one with a beautiful ring around it, made my ship shake and roll...
I know that planet.
I know the creatures that live there. The shadow people.

The stars were astonishing... I wanted to stay there. Under those new blue and yellow stars.

But it was not the way home.
I powered up my warp drive and took off...

Get over it

Last week left it's marks... I had a mental hangover for days. It was in a good way but I was SO glad it ended on Sunday.

But then... something still kept creeping up and I found myself in a state of loss, I still missed my old job... so bad that when I went for a walk yesterday I felt like I was walking back from a funeral. No... more like a wake.

Last time it took me months to get over it. I guess I never did?
Could this time be any different?

I don't think so and I don't care. So I'll never let go. So fxcking what!

I have a life, a different life, right now.

I'll still keep taking risks and living big.
This life is NOW and it's ALL MINE ;)

So fxck the hangover and keep it as a pleasant memory <3
Some day I might be called back again so I better be OK about it :)

One day it's my turn to leave marks...

The lover

I went back... Back in time.
The ghost from my past was there... My old love. My old job.
I think I still love it.

Fun in the s... Rain.

...this week I'm back in my old life.
"Army stuff all week..."
The food is not... hmmm, not good. Bread and potatoes every day.
It's dark and rainy.
Coffee is hot and the days are long.
Friday = click-click, Boom!! ;) ;)
That's about all I'll say.

No pain no gain?

What the hell happened last Monday? I had a leg day and pushed up 200kg (+ the weight of the leg press) six times. I did 5 or 6 sets on that leg press (all together) but my legs were fine All week!
Did it really happen? Maybe I have a mental strength that did the pushing?? I got it on video.
Haaa! I need to use more weight!?! ;)

A zombie in a volvo

It's that fun night again. Every "bad hair day" is out having fun with false teeth and a rubber nose :)
I just saw a zombie driving a volvo.
We're not going out for candy and fun. But I did go out for a quick shoulder workout...
Iron is still getting lighter as I get better. Every week I can grab more weights and make 'em my bitches :-P
Two more nights at home and then I have to go away for a week. I miss my honey and kiddo already :/
I don't have winter tires on my car yet. I hope it won't snow.
I hope no-one crashes into Me either.

But he's just a boy

They all grow up...

I hope we teach our boy to live a strong life ;)

This week's obligatory Arnold quote :)

...

BTW, kiddo is talking in dolphin language. High shrieks and everything <3

The M word

I don't use the word "mother". I don't use in Finnish either (mother = äiti). Does this mean I'm a bad mom? I don't use the word "father" either (father = isä).

Maybe this will change?

Does it even matter?

Big mama

Gosh... 61kg. With dirty hair.

My fat% is close to 17%... It's not much but it makes me look big when I get a pump. If I dropped the fat and kept the muscles I would still look ok but SO thin that I would hate it.

So the plan is:

- Keep eating clean and drinking lots of water

- Keep training Hard to BUILD muscle

- Keep stretching and stay flexible

- Keep a daily cardio routine (with the baby)

- Keep honey happy

- Keep baby happy etc...

Easy? Yes.

Do I need to shut out the rest of the planet to make these things happen? No.

Do I have the right to be tired sometimes? Ofcourse.

Do I love my life?

YES :)

It's time to strap it on

Uuh... Yeah :)

two of these babies in my hands and I'm a happy lady...

The new gym has all sorts of toys up to 50kg...and even bigger ;)

My pictures are wobbly 'cause I'm wobbly :D 

If my C7 hadn't felt like it's going to explode I would have grabbed something bigger and killed my shoulders with that. It seems that all this nursing had made my neck hurt... I need to fix my nursing style, quickly.

New gym

I started going to this "new" gym...
It's clean (!), it has great stuff (!!) and I can use it at night (!!!). Kiddo sleeps at home with daddy and I kill it at the gym. Perfect life <3

I can finally start using a fat bar... And other heavy shit ;)

kiddo goes: z-z-z-z-z...

Blow my mind

Here's a picture of a hairdryer...
Baby is 3,5 months and I feel great. I'm still under 60kg in the mornings... I'm still not eating right.
I must hit 62kg by xmas.

I need to grow.
I need more food.
I love my new hair :)
I love to do tricks with it...

Old snow

They found last year's snow... It's winter now :)

It is all about ME

This week was a good teacher. It started with a bad night (my whole body felt like it kept getting electrocuted every two minutes, the night before was a sick trip to shock therapy... I was nervous?) and it ended up being a great flow of growth :)

I'm more in tune with my skills.
I'm more up to date with my knowledge.
I'm a better mom and a better wife.

And I'm going to get my hair fixed before my friend Bruce and I relax at the Nordic Pro this Saturday :)

One more...

One more leg day before we ride to the sun set and face the evil exam week...
I better make it an evil leg day then ;)
A video: 80kg and me...

"I'm moving back to Mom's!"

It's true.
Me and the son are packing our bags and moving to Mom's place.
Just for a week.
And honey will come too :)

I have a crazy week in Helsinki so we have to live closer to my school... I need to "work" for a week so Mom came to help <3

Smaller than me

I have this blog just for fun... And to stay straight (with myself). And by straight I mean the straight and narrow path. Well... Maybe it's not that straight? But narrow it is. Food, rest, work, life, love... All that stuff.

I want to control my life. I hate surprices. They mess up my prep ;)

Baby was a surprise but we got over it and now he's the joy of our lives <3 he's a good boy and full of small surprises (in his pants) ;) I could never hate him for being a surprise. I love him :) I'm glad I can learn With him... Learn new things. Re-learn old things. Teach him about life. He'll learn his way. Easy & hard.

Food prep

Yeah, I still make 4-8 boxes of food for myself when I stop by at the kitchen area... I eat 2 BIG warm meals per day. Chicken, broccoli, rice, fish, veggies, etc. Other meals can also be warm but they aren't as big.
I make other food for everyone else. They don't like my "no salt, too hot chili" foods :)

Baby keeps growing... I hope I do too.

Calling all bananas

The weekend... It's Banana time!

I have managed to keep my (morning, empty) weight above 60kg :)
But.... I tried to get a good pump into my arms yesterday --> sorry to say
I've lost a lot of meat :( no more peaks in my biceps... More like a valley :/

All this means is that I have stay True to my calling ;)

Eat, hussle & kill ;)

Work for it! Make it happen!

aah, I got a banana <3 and I'm a gonna eat it :D

"babybelly" is still haunting me... GO AWAY extra skin!!! :)

Is it just me or are my boobs just huge :D

I kinda miss my flatter chest... I could really SEE my pecs then. Now I have to feel around and get the lights right and aargh.

Baby is about 2,5 months now. He loves life <3

And we love him <3

Busy

Time moves so slowly that it's making me nuts.... I'm still constantly behind schedule. My schedule.

My studies, my housekeeping, my workouts, my stuff...

Behind.

I was going to write about the Olympia weekend in America... no time. I'll just say that I loved how DLB looked and I think she was great. She was the best.

I was going to write about the dreams I've been seeing: DLB told me her secret to dieting and Nicole Wilkins gave me new ideas to doing cardio (in red pants). The short version: DLB never mixes pink grapefruit with the color "red" into her recovery drink. And Nicole told me to hold on to the wall if I feel faint. (The dreams were packed with ideas and hints to kill it at the gym and while dieting, but I'll keep them to myself for now.)

And now about the Jyväskylä weekend... in short: Noora won 2nd price. She should have gotten 1st. But the winner was a celebrity. So she won. With a soft figure and a boring T-walk.

http://www.sportlife.fi/files/2714/1085/8070/bodyfitness_t.kvely_noora.jpg

I have 1,5 weeks to prep for my next big exam week... anatomy, physiology, basic illnesses etc. I'll be quite tired when it's over.

I have tickets to Nordic Pro and I'm hoping my good friend Bruce will have time to check it out with me. We'll only see some big guys and bikini girls... no figure, no physique... hmmm. We'll the guys will make the day and I hope it won't be a very LONG day 'cause baby will be waiting for me in Helsinki. It's a quick drive back but I hope the weather will be good.

Cold

It's about +5C outside... it just started raining wet snow...

Summer went bye bye.

We should go out for a walk. 1 hour sounds quite right :) (cardio!)

baba likes to hang around with me.... he smiles, eats, sleeps and talks a lot. He has a thing for my tattoos :) I think he'll grow up just nicely ;)

I'm having a hard time finding time to study. 

A-Argh... stupid school :/

I can still squeeze a workout in here and there... but it's nothing good... I can hardly get a pump, it's sweaty work but it's over sooner than I'd like it to be.

Home workouts suck. 

Well at least this week.

No dropping

A leg day with a twist of lemon: I didn't go low enough of push hard enough to Kill it. It stayed in my comfort zone. I still have to do so... My guts might spill out if I over do things. It's only 2 months from the c-section.
I did try out a longer set of some regular planking... 1 minute of it felt good!
I getting better by the WEEK!!!

So AM I 2 years out or just 1,5 years out? ;)

I added 150kg to the leg press and did a slow set of 6. A good feel in my legs ;) hmmm... LEGS... :P

I ended the leg day with some fun in the sun...

66 jumps UP, walk down, jump up again and wobble down...

I did some posing at the gym before I left... Oh man am I BAD. I need some serious practice and an IDEA of how I want to show myself of! :)

The video is too long to paste here. 

I walked home. 

NO need for a taxi today :)

Maybe next week...

Broken eggs and a goldfish...

Coming soon... An inside look at the fitness competition in Jyväskylä...

shotguns and wolfs in Iceland

It was a hard night...

http://cartina.photo/fi/imagebank/large-image/108/108882/Islannin+ruskaa+108882.jpg

I spent it in a small house up in Iceland... or at least I think it was Iceland. It wasn't winter yet. The ground was beautiful, colorful and covered with frost every morning. I lived alone.
I don't know why I was there... I kept the doors locked at all times. I had to.

I was cooking in the little kitchen when I heard howling and banging at the door. A crazed dog was trying to get in. I knew it was crazy, I knew it was a killer dog and I knew that I should just stay quiet and wait it out...

The dog left. It was a wild dog. I don't understand why the wolves (from the hills) hadn't killed it yet. Maybe it was too big. All I know is that it had belonged to the old man who used to live here... but he went crazy. He killed his whole family with a shotgun and disappeared in to the hills. People say that he got killed by the wolves.

I still have his shotgun. I keep it by the door.
I should get a rifle.

There was a knock at the door and a woman shouted: "Open up! First aid!"
I opened the door.
A lady from the Red cross came in. She was there just to check that I was alive and that my first aid pack was up to date. She left after 5 minutes. I ran after her and asked if she knew about the wolves in the hills... she said that the wolves only come out at night and that I should move to the city. I told her that I had a weasel living under my house and that it would help me with the dog and wolves. She laughed.



my little helper:

https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQdIzyRbqau9rf2j2_YxNfnoHML-HKbt6vHB5dTjF_p4jmE8FnL

1%

So it's over. The Big Test. All done. And nearly for nothing :D

I lost 1% of body fat and gained 1% of muscle mass :-D shit!

5 weeks of testing a diet: 4 gym work outs + some walking and pleanty of breast feeding (maybe the problem...)

Well... I'm 3 kilos lighter.
What now? Back to basics. Back to how I was eating about a year ago. Back to walks and short hours at the gym and lots&lots of fresh water :)
I'll test myself again 2 months from now and see what That does to me :)

I had a chance to check out Solana with Noora. You should check out NOORA here: http://instagram.com/noora86

Nice...

I found a new toy :)
It's in walking distance from our house!

:)

It was a good day

I'll edit this later... But It was a fast day of slow life.

Right now I'm chilling on the bed with baby. He gets his milk and I get to relax my legs.

Everything is ready for tomorrow. I still think it's better that I don't hang around for the blessing and singing and shit (sorry, it's my blog and I'm having issues with religion).

I hope our son will sleep through it all and that he won't change in any way after it's over.

For some reason I just can't enjoy a short day full of religion right now... Maybe it's because of all the worthless shit in the world (that religions keep dragging around)...

So it goes...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RviMdf7gng4

F*** fest

Shiiit... I'm so hungry all the time. I'm losing muscle :(

this body needs a food fest :)

58kg, 162cm

The High Priestess

She's coming next weekend. The Priestess...

Some of our close family will also join us.
She's going to bless some water...  use it on our son's head. Bless him and "grab him to her church".
I don't like it.

I've sworn to protect our kiddo and I don't want him to feel draged around by "a book". Me and my Honey will teach him the right way to love himself and to keep his eyes open in the big world.
I do not want to hear the words "we take this boy" from that priestess... No-one is taking our son from us. No magic water, no spiritual leader.

And I'm keeping all that extra holywater just in case!
;)
And I want to set off some old firecrackers in the backyard -just incase- to kill off any wondering bad spirits. :)

Put more on your plate

I can't stop myself...
I need to find someone (PT) who can tell me if I'm up for the challenge next fall (12 months) or spring '16.


I have a personal dream on the other side of "the pond". I guess I should call it a Big Dream. But... It's not a dream with a "part two"...SO: AM I dreaming BIG enough??
Why should I keep things small and risk free when I could just as well PUSH for the Ultimate goal and GO for it! Try my best and succeed in it! It's ok to win sometimes.

Us Finns tend to give space and step back (unless it has to do with our private land or personal space). We tend to hate anything that interrupts our vision of silence in the great outdoors... So we sometimes make choices where nothing changes (unless a bald president says so) and everyone stays still (unless we just won the hockey world championship).

Where was I!?
Yes. Competing.

I'm fucking hungry all the time. This means I'm not eating enough. Even if I hit my goal for 2200-2400 kcal/day I can still burn muscle because my body is hungry.

it's bad...

it's THIS bad ;D

no practice and still a tight feel in my lower abs...

need time

need food

need a GOAL 

;)

8w pp

It's almost 8 weeks now... 8 weeks of food, rest, water, walks, happy things and a happy baby. My body surpriced me today with a gift from "fuxk you world". I got my period.
I've been SO happy not bleeding like a wounded animal every month and having a super hygienic feel to my life. I Hate this shit.
Fxck!
***
So I had my 2nd leg day today. Just some light squatting, nothing deep. Some sets for my back and some crappy posing. I was in a hurry... Poses suck so bad if I don't have time to Think while I move...
This week I didn't eat right. I had sweet potatoes on Monday and protein bars on Wednesday and Thursday and a piece of bread on Friday... I think I even drank 2-3 liters of milk. I sucked this week.
I had a reason. I had a BIG exam.

It's not a good reason. It's not like my head fell of. The exam went well. I even learned new things.
But I fxcked up my diet for this week and I can't fix it. I'll just have to get back on the elephant and  keep going for 2 more weeks and hope that I didn't just eat away my muscles by being an idiot for a week...

First choice

And for my first Gym day I pick....... Squats!! ...with a little back & shoulder action on the side :)
A 30min workout and a massive sweat fest :-D

after 7 weeks this felt like going to a funpark :)

not a lot but it's there...

I feel so small :(

(and a bit fat in the wrong places)

oh well... better get home and keep eating. That's where the magic happens. In my stomach ;)

Milk

Just after a few minutes... I'm starting to freeze my milk for kiddo. Just in case :) I'll pump about 10-15min /side next Saturday and again next week...

the end of the world

Last night the world ended...

Las Vegas came to Helsinki...
A 300m high pyramid had been built in the middle of Helsinki. It was full of theaters, hotels, casinos, restaurants, museums, clubs etc. I was a beautiful work of engineering :)

A subspace hole appeared in the bottom bits of the pyramid... near the water world for kiddos. It was some kind of a wormhole between worlds.

Shiny, beautiful, glowing "rainbow people" kept coming out and making everyone (who even thought about them) to act neutral and calm. We couldn't kill them or hurt them or even look at them wrongly. Some kind of magical wind blew over the whole city and even affected people who only heard about them or just saw pictures...

It was the most peaceful takeover that I've ever seen.

The humanoids resembled that silver surfer dude but they had this "rainbow glow" to them... so they were chrome surfers?

The "neutralizing wind" was like a drug. Everyone wanted more. Even when the true intentions of the aliens started to become clearer...

I was so TOTALLY neutralized that I've forgotten their intentions. I just remember from the dream that I want to go back and "float around in that sweet nothingness" that their wind does to human brains...

***

In the real world: Kiddo slept for 5 hours before he wanted his first night time snack... crazy night ;)

Less talk more work

Are you still just talking about doing things? Still wondering out loud if you should...? Or could... Or would if you just had the time, discipline, money, right connections, better friends, a nicer wife, a bigger car, someone elses life and abs...

Are you so full of excuses that you can't even tell what the reality really IS in your life. Are you sleeping through your life Waiting for things to come to you and if nothing good ever happens you just wonder that "it's not meant to happen to You"... Are you a fuxking lamb?

Wake the fuxk up and start living your life the way you want it. Take small steps or big. Stay clean and help others. Don't worry about falling down. When everyone else can get up around you and push you down on their way out, only you can Keep yourself down if you just don't care enough... Wake up. Get up. Live. (Lift that shit up.)

Take the first step if you've never even tried.

"...What's the worst that can happen?..."
--> Thank You Bruce <3
I still think about those long talks we had and I listen to that perfect R of yours ;)

Can you top this?

Last night I went to a "friend's house"... she lived in a mansion over looking a dark sea and a small, old town. It was the end of August and the nights were getting darker. Street lights made the small roads and narrow alleys look so romantic as we walked around her mansion and looked at some of her "winter flowers" and other exotic plants she had.

The house had 2 floors.

The bedrooms were on the second floor. So was my room. The guest room with a small train track that brought food from the kitchen.
It was an all you can eat night at the mansion!! :)

I ordered different ice-creams and cakes and lots of coffee.
A voice in the small intercom said: "the food shall arrive in two hours"

Me and my friend took our time changing into some nicer socks (? I don't know why?) and went to the hallway to look at the artwork and other handmade art. Even the carpets were sown in Nepal (or so she said).

Most of the ambience came from the golden artefacts and peach color in the walls (some kind of super glamorous wallpaper).

I went back into my room to wait for the little train to bring me my treats. I sat on the bed. The linen were new. Un ironed and smelled like plastic.

I just got this bad feeling...

I heard the train in the room next door.
I stopped for a while and the continued to my room. The track ran all around my room and disappeared into the wall where it continues in the next room again...

The little doors opened.

I didn't smell coffee or cakes.
I didn't see ice-cream or anything that I liked.

The little train was dragging carts with silver serving trays on them. On those service trays were cut off pieces of different humans. I could tell there were at least 6 different men and women cut up into pieces, large pieces. The blood dripped from the bits of meat and flesh... The insides of the (pieces of) corpses had not been taken out but they had been tied up with string so that the muscles and guts wouldn't fall out.

***

I know my anatomy studies might invade my dream world but shiiiiit....
this was some sick stuff!!

***

A bit later I woke up and fed our son...
I hope he only sees dreams of happy faces and warm milk :)

A bucket of ice

What will it take to wake some people up...
I wonder if I'll get lazy and take the easy way out sometimes with our son? I wonder if I'll mess with his head too much or too little just because "it's easier to do things quickly than in a teaching/guiding way"... I wonder if I'll be blind to my own mistakes and just run through problems or pass by opportunities while trying to teach him the "hard parts of being a human".

I wonder if I'll teach him how to kill for food through hunting or if I'll teach him about death through hunting... I wonder when he'll get his first knife? I wonder if he'll want to fly like I and his father have done?
Will he be a race driver or a mechanic? Will he like guns or pillows? Will he be a "cat person"?
I wonder if he'll fall in love before he's 7? ...will he move to Japan, join a rock band, get dumped by his girlfriend and find a new love in the sleepless nights of neon lights...

Will he look at this world as a planet in a universe or as a cage inside a fenced zoo?

When will our son find His reason to live? Will he embrace it or let it slip? Will he Love his soulmate or search his whole life and not find her/him...
Will he miss me when I'm gone?


I hope it won't be hard for him to see the reality of life at a very young age.
The Reality:
- the cool parts are often in the little details ;)
- you are never Really alone
- time is not a piece of string
- be ready, it might happen... Anything!
- stay strong and keep up the good work :)
- Love, so fucking what if it hurts sometimes.
- ***

A bad day

My worst day of the week might well be Tuesday...
I hate that f***ing day to bits.
You see, I get to eat whatever I want on Saturdays (sometimes on Sundays too) so the sugar rush wears off by Tuesday.

So by Wednesday I'm a food-robot... the kind that doesn't give a shit. Just eats what she finds packed away in the fridge and then drinks a gallon of water to kill the pain (the pain of not having porridge and bread and jam and bananas and mmmm...)
On a bad day I MISS my sugar and sweets & I hate my eggs and meat...

WHEN I make it to Thursday I'm fine and happy... BUT that darn Tuesday.
Gosh.

But hey:

DO THE WORK.
EAT RIGHT if that's all you CAN do.

So Fuck Tuesday.
It'll end. It always goes away by the next morning ;)

5,5 weeks pp

Put your finger in it

I can just about stick one finger between my abs... it's getting very tight.

I won't train them yet but I'm happy with the situation :)

The next competition is in...

...I'm still working on that. I need to check my body composition and get several smaller projects done first :)

I won't compete sooner than next year. That's a hard fact.

I dream big... so am I crazy or what?

My dreams and hopes don't make me any stranger than the next gal.

So WHY is it that if you share your hopes or dreams or (just) ideas ... you get shit for it?
No, not from everyone. And NOT always in a bad way. Sometimes people just don't listen long enough or they don't ask the right questions before they dump their own misery on you.

It's the same with dieting and working out and living normally without following the "norm"...

What are those crazy dreams that some other Finns can't handle without going bananas and thinking that I must be a bad mother or a manic fitness feline... (or what ever)

Traveling

Places I would LIKE to see:

The mountains and (bear) forests of Montana (USA), I would go to a diner on Saturday morning and have waffles with jam and whipped cream :)

Texas and Colorado, Texas for the rodeos and palmtrees and cars, Colorado for it's nature parks, straight roads and that "Springs" place ;D

Canada, south parts, especially a city with a small border crossing place with the USA, I would have a small takeaway coffee and it would not even go cold during the crossing :)

The Pacific, maybe somewhere around California... I won't swim in it though! Too many Jaws movies... but I would go to a surf shop and check out the board waxes :)

A skiing resort somewhere in central Europe... just to wear retro clothes and drink a mint chocolate cocoa while wearing a fur hat :)

Life style

No need to explain these ;)

Stay fit and stay lean (well GET -back- lean)

Eat well, eat CLEAN and enjoy food (enjoy Every week of my life)

Work, work, work. I won't just "sit on the bus" and wait for my life to pass me by. I will NOT wait for the weekend to come! Waiting around and HOPING for shit to happen doesn't bring results... I will make MY life HAPPEN :)  

Life may be short but it sure takes a hell of a long time to get it done right :)
So why not enjoy it?

Are you enjoying your life?

Are you?

...

I'll write more about my dreams and hopes later.
Whenever I want to.

5,5 weeks pp

I see a fat ass... but I also see a lot of potential to make it even bigger ;)

A tired face after a hot shower... sorry about that :)

I can't hit my poses as well as I should. My abs are still recovering from the operation and I think I've lost A LOT of muscle from my delts and glutes :(

Sweet dreams... Not

I watch too many fat programs and horror shows...

Last night I helped and older guy (in his 40's) to sew his eyes shut. He was FAT. He had had his boobs removed too.
A week went by and he came back to have his "stitches" removed from his eyes... I removed 1 then another... his eye started to open. Slowly he turned his eye ball and looked at me with dislike and told me to patch him up again. He was furious that his eyes would not stay closed. He did not want to see anymore.

I don't understand why it was my job to help him.
Stupid man.
Go haunt somebody else's dreams!

Laundry day

Kiddo has issues with milk. He loves it. He also burps it up a lot. He can do it in a cute way and in a satanic way...
I wash a lot of laundry. Mostly clothes. I also wipe the floors here and there and just about everywhere ;) some rugs have it rough too.
Our kiddo is a healthy, happy boy :)

Killer hogs

Bad dreams even when everything else is going smoothly...

I had a really cool car last night. A 4 wheeler, no roof, BIG tires, short body, rusty white paint... The works. I drove down to a dried up lake to test it in the mud when I saw these 2 fat idiots (men) with shotguns. They were hanging around a big hog. It looked like they wanted to slaughter it...
Like I said, they were idiots. One of 'em took a shot at the pigs scull and missed by a long shot... He shot his friends foot off! The piggy (the size of a hippo) smelled the blood a attacked the wounded idiot. He screamed and ended up shooting his friend in the face.
A long story short: my super cool car dream ended up being a horror story about 2 idiots getting eaten alive by a huge hog.
Shit.
I  hate bad dreams.
Sick shit.

Some dreams

Most of my dreams hang around Europe again. I find myself near the Alps or in a creepy old city with wild animals (bears and moose's and foxes) on the streets.

Last night I went back to the hospital to get my clothes... It kept turning into some of my old schools and eventually I found myself in a floating round hotel (doughnut shape). I went to a cafe and had ice-cream and sandwiches :)

Oh... They tasted SO good! ;)
My next "eat what you want" day is Saturday. No treats 'til then :/

1st month

1st month... Check! ;)

My waist is 82cm 

("belly button height")....

4,5weeks pp

The pic I forgot...
Morning started at 60kg again.

in a perfect light and with a small twist ;)

a 2x4

My opinion:

Having a kid is like owning a "2x4" (a piece of wood/timber, a thick plank, 2 inches x 4 inches).
You can do what ever You want with it :)

All you need is some inspiration, the right tools and plenty of time and motivation <3

You can travel and relax and build and hold up things and enjoy the sun and swim and play in the mud and go for a run and...
Just GO FOR IT!

Put more ideas on your table and GO OUT and make them come true. Make YOUR life a reality. It's ok to fail. It's Not ok to sleep through your whole life and keep waiting for the fucking weekend to come 'cause eventually: IT MIGHT NOT COME WHEN YOU ARE READY FOR IT.

Let you imagination fly and you can do what ever you ever wanted with your perfect 2x4.

This is my opinion.

*Fuck the rest*



SLEEP
;)

Kiddo gets his names

Kiddo has had a name for ...errr... for months now.

We didn't name him Arnold, Bruce, John or any of the other cool "moviestar names" that I like. He got his own names.
The first one connects him to me and honey and is easy to pronounce and write anywhere in the world. The second is to keep him safe, to remind him that he can make miracles happen, that he too is special and loved.
His last name is the name we all shall have some beautiful day :)

Arnold <3
(the Eraser)

4 weeks postpartum

I'm already close to (and some mornings under) 60kg :/

This is not good.
My weight went down too quickly :/

No, I'm not mad. I had a wish. I hoped that I could shred while I drop some of my "baby fat"... I guess I just dropped the extra weight (and extra water) super fast and now I'm just 2-4kg FAT?

Aargh... oh well.
I still have all the time in the world.
Fuck the scale! :D

I will keep eating and walking and drinking water and keeping an eye on my abs <3
My pretty little abs are coming back. I saw some shadows this morning!! My upper abs are getting closer... they are maybe 3-4cm apart? I'm not sure. It's still too soon to make serious checks...

I should post a picture. I'll take one tomorrow morning :)

;)

Here I come.