Shake it off...

Tomorrow is the last day to buy the IFBB licence for 2015....

Shake it off. ....  brrr.
So close.

It would be so easy.

No.

I must not. .....
:)

Shoulders

DTP week...

If you're wondering where I get my workouts then just click yourself to "heaven":

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/kris-gethins-12-week-muscle-building-trainer.html

bodybuilding.com

I'm in week 7...

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/kris-gethin-muscle-building-trainer-day-46.html

It's not as easy as you might think.

I don't get to do EVERYTHING just like Kris says.

My gym ain't that good.

I do what I can with what I have and I do it as well as I can.

Point being: I DO IT.

I've used bodybuilding.com before.

My first photo shoot was helped by Jamie Eason:

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/jamie-easons-livefit-introduction.html

bodybuilding.com

He gave me yellow flowers

I know him from somewhere. I know I do.
We don't do things together but I'll know his handsome face anywhere...

He had beautiful yellow flowers with him.
"These are for you, my love."
I couldn't breath.
How could he know!?
Only honey knows that I love yellow flowers. Who IS this guy?
The flowers were beautiful. I felt a warm calmness enter my body as I squeezed the flowers to my chest.
Beautiful.

We walked to the hospital and went to the autopsy room. Our seats were right at the front.
I held on to his arm through the whole endeavour.
Later on he said that my claw marks were still on his bicep.

Keep hitting 'til it's dead

My job was to watch videogames and other movies/demos and to choose if they work for children. I basically just sat on a sofa in an old carpet factory and watched TV. The tv was placed on a dusty pool table that had lost it's legs. I was on the fifth floor and the windows over looked an endless ocean of sand.

Phhhh...what windows. Most of them were smashed or missing.
The lifts were old animal cages from the near by zoo. My sofa was light green in color and it had beige patches where the rats had eaten through. ..
Most of the games were your basic adventure games: jump shoot attack jump kill jump fly jump hang glide pick up use jump look good while jumping...
I wasn't allowed to play. I just watched. The games/movies changed and I just sat there. In the middle of an empty sand planet.
Maybe I would get lucky and the building would set on fire?

I woke up.
Gotta eat something. It was 0100.

We were stuck in a wooden mansion. The sauna was on and it felt like every room had 3 exits but none of them ever led anywhere.
Somebody said that there was a tiger loose in the building.
I kept close to the other people even though I did not trust any of them.
Who the hell are they anyway??
... Once more I tried to find my way out but I kept finding myself in the sauna section. Aaargh. I hate this!

Where hell is that tiger? I closed every door behind me and made sure to check my weapons before I open the next one...  one of the girls had passed out. She lay on the floor and she wasn't breathing.
"Oh no!" I heard someone scream.
Hmmm... She wasn't bleeding.
A blond girl ran to me and we both shook the brunette on the floor. "Please don't be dead?!" (Blondie must have known her? Maybe they were friends?)
Darkie moved a bit and we both hugged her there on the floor.
Ohh.. She's alive :)

Blondie held my arm sofly as the brunette started kissing me.
Boy, they sure are friendly in these horror dreams?
I felt her tongue in my cheek.
"Get off, bitxh!"
She grabbed me and tried to bite my arm. Her arms and legs moved in all directions. Her body did not function like a human. She had turned into a zombie-moron!?

OMG. She had a brain defect! She had been without oxygen for too long!

"Keep hitting her! Hit her with your knives!!" The other girl screamed and kicked the zombie in the stomach. 

I didn't fully understand why but I guessed it was ok to kill her dead 'cause she was now less useful for the rest of the group? :/

Kill her dead.
But aren't zombies already dead?

Can I please just sleep...

On some nights I and the small one sleep for 14h.
On some nights we wake up to eat and then just carry on...
Last night was one of those nights:
18-21 dreams and then I eat.
21-01 dreams and then baby ate.
01-06 dreams and we both ate.
06-08 I "sleep" and baby plays in his bed with his toys and sings to them...
What a night :)

I am tired physically but happy mentally.
Baby is just being baby.

We're not even sick. We just love to sleep :)

Usually "we" sleep from 20:00 to 10:00, give or take an hour...

I think that tonight we'll be going to bed early again :)

Gosh do I love my dreams... my other world <3
(Not every week... Sometimes I have shit for dreams)

DTP

Excuse me as I die...
Legs.
I used to own a pair.

The gym life

That other life...
No glory, no best buddy system...
Most of the time you're on your own.

No fancy clothes, no tan, no cute nails, no posing, just the Feeling :)
Your choices, your time, your life.
Your best body system ;) and a plan to never settle.

Rest day #3

Nope.
No rest.
Honey couldn't come home tonight but I did my workout at home after baba found a sack full of dream dust...
I pumped my shoulders, traps, triceps and abs. I had a gray gymstick, weights (4,5kg, 7,5kg and 2x10kg) and I also used a chair for support in some of the sets...

It was not a "good" workout, I did not get a strong pump but I did my best to make every rep of every set as hard as I could...

I did the work even when I knew I could not grab big weights, even when I knew I could not break personal records... I did it.

And then I had an omelette :)

How bad do I want it?

So bad...

Here's that back video from last weekend.

All my blood is in my baaack...

I think did 4-5 sets of 8-12 with 65kg... but since I warmed up with too many sets (5x50kg) I lost most of my strength :/

...idiot.

The importance of independence

Doing everything "on my own" by following Kris Gethin's program has been an great journey so far. I'm feeling the same kind of pride in my life choices that I felt when I worked with a real coach. The last sets in my workouts are not empty, they have just as much meaning in them as do sets where I have a PT or a friend to help me out.

The difference is that I don't speak with my coach or get any feedback about my accomplishments. On the downside I am not getting help if stuff is slowly going wrong. I have to keep an eye on myself and fix things as they happen. I do not yet have the ability to prevent all mistakes or estimate when I might need a "big feed day".
My main goals right now are to check my calories and to push them as high as I possibly can. I have 2 rest days now so it's more than just important to eat clean and keep flexible  :)

...so what am I doing Right now? ...hanging around with baba. Thinking about the uncooked chicken in the fridge and wondering if my head will crack if I have 2 more cups of coffee.
What I should be doing (and will do now that baba fell asleep): cook the chicken, drink a litre of water, clean the kitchen and fold the laundry. Then eat my lunch, clean the toilets and prep the living room for some crawling time with baby.

I will get a PT when I start my last leg of this (current) project.
But who ever he or she might be, I want him/her to see what can be done without "real help" ;)

Then when we start working together to make me even better, we don't have to be gentle in any way ;)

I'm going home

Right after the GD cardio. ...
Kill when you're hungry.
Eat 'til you're full.

Do the work.

What use is there...

Tired...
Don't feel like doing anything.

At the gym.
Ääähh... do I have to?
Chest and biceps.

...one more night and I can rest for two days.

Is it worth it?
What could I gain if I just went home and rested for 3 days?...

Hmmm.... it's sauna night (and I'm missing it Again) and baba is SO sweet all the time and we have a clean home and fresh salad and all I would need to do is an omelette with a hint of cheese before I hit the sofa and fight for the remote...
I'm SO tired :/

How will I get through this work out? It's even cold here... :/

...

The egg

I wrote a note to myself last night just before falling asleep: "Like drawings on the surface of an egg."

What was I thinking of?... I can't remember if I was wondering about our son or about my own life...

Uhh.

300kg x12

No spotter like last time...

I did it all by myself  :)

But why is it that after Every Heavy leg day the first night is Really easy and sometimes all the days after it are just as fun?

Is it because of the cardio I do?

Hah. "Cardio"... it's only 15 minutes per gym night.

Can't be That?!  Can it?

The Expendables

Stallone rocks :)

Last night I spent a good half of a dream helping  him get his Soda streamer bottle back from the bad guys. Loads of action, gun fights, mini helicopters flying all over the abandoned coal mines (massive caves)... oooh. That big Swede was there too... what's his name? Gosh, I hate it when I can't remember stuff. What's that brain malfunction called when you can't remember...

Aaargh. Just wait a bit! I know I got this!...
Hmmm...
Leslie, Luthor, Thor, ... he had a role in Rocky. I think he played a big Russian boxer.
Kurt, Leif... Lundgren! Yes!! Dolph!
Him! He was there in the same helicopter with me. He kept eating red licorice. Scary guy.
Kinda nuts.

5/12

(Edit later) Halfway point is here... 7 weeks left.
To me this +/-1week is as good as a "point" in time :)

Back day was a success! I even got a video of a set of rows I did with 65kg. I need my computer to post it.

Although my weight has "crashed" I still have a small hope that I'll gain it back by the end of this road. It was a good thing to notice that even with my lower bodyweight I could lift Much more than what I'm used to... much more.
I even had to stop experimenting with dumbbells because the number of sets would have been too much for the workout!  So I didn't even reach my limits!!! ;)

Cabin fever

I haven't yet felt any kind of craziness that might come with being a stay at home mom.

I quite enjoy being home and doing stuff with baba. We go on short trips almost daily and we see people  (friends and strangers).

It's my last night of GVT. I've saved the best for the last. 

It's Back day.

I've spent a good part of the day crawling around on the floor with baby. (Not the best prep for a back day)... He's So close to doing it by himself  <3

I've heard that babies go bananas when they learn to crawl!! :)

I hope I'm home when he gets it :)

We started a new "hobby" with the older boy.

I've been wanting to spend some Useful time with him (I just don't enjoy PS3 games or small cars too much)... so we started Home school :) 

I get to spend time with him and he has a chance to learn and Show his skills in writing, reading and math. There's no stress and plenty of great moments stuffed into that 30 minutes. And he gets a small reward for his work too.

Win - win.

;)

My mechanical baby

The weather's so bad I should get a refund for my Finnish passport...

But the car likes it. He's been throwing his sweet little ass around like he had a tutu on ;)

And on a low note:
:(

I tried a free sample of a new pre workout...
Didn't work.
I was yawning half way through my triceps.

I'll stick to what I know...

That Feeling

It will never go away.
I'm the fxcking King of this life.

I am not done.

:)

I haven't done Arnold presses for a while. Suddenly I can use 14kg weights :)

Find it.

Find the freedom inside You!

Never give up.

Show the world who You are!

Do you need a reason?

Can't do it?...

Try this:
Look at the problem.
Smile at it.
Say:"Just try an hold me back."
Do it.

It works every time.

No. It's not easy.

Like right now: last set of Arnold press.  On one side the guy's socks smell like rabbit glue. On the other side the guy's sweat is like anti air. I think I might die if I don't run. But I'm gonna finish. All the sets. All the reps.
Just try and hold me back.

Shoulders: killed.
Gains: coming soon ;)

You're so dead

Ways to get over the pain of progress...

Yes. It has to hurt. You either feel the burn and make gains or you play it "safe" and stay the same.

Think back.

When is the last time you grabbed a set of weights at the gym, dragged them to you spot Knowing that you've never lifted anything like that before and by the second rep you know you've been living a lie all this time ;)

Don't be afraid to go further, to lift harder or to run faster... Don't tell yourself that "you might get hurt or you might feel it (too much) tomorrow or you'll look stupid if you can't get even that one rep".

Believe me: nobody gives a shit! And if they DO come up to you and start a conversation about your workout then tell them to be your spotter in the next set. :)

I laughed out loud at the gym today.

I was down to my last set for the night... I wanted to make it the hardest one yet. I wanted to show my chest that the last set will not end until I can't lift the air on my skin. 

That's when it hit me. The Feeling. It's so much more than just the pump in my muscles or a hormonal rush behind my eyes.  

It's more like the moment when you realise that you've Won. The silly "hö" pops out of you smiling mouth and you Know you are the last one standing in the middle of the stage.

The game is over. You've won.

The words "this is what I live for" whisper in your mind and you walk to the weights and give them Hell! ;)

I didn't hear the "maybe it's too heavy" or "maybe I should try less" or "maybe this is not for me". I Didn't hear them and I felt like I had finally won! 

This IS That day! The day when I stopped giving a fxck about the voices that used to pull me down.

That Feeling :)

It's in me now. It's a part of me. A code. :)

Walk like you built this town

The sun doesn't shine on everybody else and then just Reflect on you. It shines on you too. So walk proud.

The moon doesn't have a bridge over the frozen sea just so everyone else could go skating on it. Take Your skates out too.

You fail. You get stronger.
If you don't even try you are dead to your own soul.

Go.
Live.
Be a motherfxcker or a space mutant.  Just fxcking live already. ..

Don't worry about "what others might think". Probably they haven't even heard of you.

So make sure that by the time they DO hear about you, Your the fxcking king of the world :)
And by this I mean Your world, Your life, Your body and your mind!

Be hard in the head when it's about You and Your soul.
Don't stop.

Live <3

And about treats...

Stuff that makes me happy like a bird: NFL with coffee but first I scoop up a full spoon of peanut butter just to make it perfect <3

Ohhh... all that perfect guuuuu aaahhh...

About feelings and learning

We live and learn.
But stay true to yourself. ...don't let the world or your job or anyone push you around. Look into your heart and dig around in your feelings often enough. Be a better you. Take risks.
Eventually, your life is All that matters  ;)

I learned today that my workouts are rough enough but that my diet is slobby and that since I'm down to 57kg this morning I should. ...hmmm, take it easy for a while?.... NO :D

I rested yesterday because I was starting to have problems waking up around 9am. So I went to sleep earlier and baby and I woke up as early as 9.30am :)
The point was to wake up around 8am.

Monday's leg day feels like it was a week ago although my legs are weak and stiff. So Today is a good day to make my pecks into minced meat... the German's are still here (all week) so all I have waiting for me is Volume and pain.

I'll go to the gym earlier tonight. We'll see how crowded it is. ... I need a super workout but even more than that I need Food and a good night's rest.

15000

Well, well, well...
My semi private blog seems to have readers?

Since I started the number is almost up to 15000. That makes about 20 views per day these days....

Who are you guys?
The biggest countries are the USA and Finland.

hmmm... ;)

Welcome to the other side :)

I am sorry if my texts are strange or if they have mistakes in them but I'm doing this for my reasons.
So maybe I'm not all that sorry ;)

the horror the horror

Screaming, yelling, running... my legs give in, crawling, screaming with a mute mouth as I scrape the floor boards with my finger nails.

I had a stupid nightmare.

I even woke up screaming... it was more like a murmur with some heavy breathing.

I wonder why I can't scream my lungs out when I'm asleep??!!
Why is that?
Some kind of an evolutionary thing maybe?

So what was the problem?...

I was checking out a new museum. Some kind of a wooden mansion... all the wood was from sunken pirate ships. The artwork was some old junk too... just left lying around.
I saw a piece of a mammoth bone. It was probably an ankle bone. Brown and black. Shiny even.

It moved. Rolled on the floor and started coming towards me.
I screamed.

I tried to run but the bone kept rolling around me and I couldn't leave the (large) room. I did not want to touch it!

The bone grew into a femur by the time I woke up trying to scream and run in bed.

What a stupid reason to get all worked up... an old bone.

I wonder what it really was?

I'm on CT's list

2 nights ago I walked into the weirdest fitness fest I've ever been to.

An old amphitheatre that had a hotel built over it. The front doors were heavily guarded. Big, metal doors. It would be a mini workout just to get in there...

I walked passed the guards and heard them say "oh... it's her. It's ok. She's on CT's list... wait. Can she bring a that knife in with her?..." I had a massive jungle knife hanging on my belt.

They didn't follow me. I pushed my way in.

The view to a large amphitheatre with a black stage looked a bit spooky to me. I couldn't tell if there was a burlesque show or a posedown happening up there... There were people everywhere. Girls didn't wear shirts. Only bras. Everyone had a tan and most of them smoked. I think everyone was drunk? Smiling and singing... the show ended and another one started. A small, blond woman came on stage and started singing.  People stood up and yelled happily. Some men even threw off their shirts...
Protein drinks were given away to everyone and the air was now thick with the smell of tanning oils and candy (some kind of a new carb loader, I saw some bags of it by the front doors...)

There were 3 other exits to this theatre. The didn't have doors and all of them led to a French garden right outside the theatre.

The Germans are coming

It GVT time!

Squat
20* 60kg
5* 80kg*10
5* 70kg*10
10* 60kg

Quads
10* 20*12-15 (my knee hates me so I can't go heavy)

Hams
5* 15*15
2* 20*15

Calves
5* 100kg*15 (just for the fun of it)

5min Posing.

15min cardio.

Call the ambulance

Food prep for this week.. chicken,  tomatoes,  spinach and rice.
It looks big but it's only 3 meals.  I'll make much more tonight.

Oh it is leg day again :)... oh oh oh...nooooo-o ;)

To protect and serve (EDITED)

I edited this text after I heard that I made people mad and upset.

I am Sorry about that...

I reached a point in life when I need to protect my own.
For weeks now I've felt that my son needs to be kept safer.
I dislike everything and anything that even looks like a threat.
I also hate the idea of leaving him alone. Even for a second...

I'm big enough to admit that I feel that I am even jealous for our baby's attention. :)

This was a Big problem this weekend. We suddenly had the other child here for a night.
After the bad moments I went through last weekend...
Hormones rushed and I felt like I should kill a mammoth with my bare hands to calm down... life is not easy when you have a kid to protect.

I want to give him a safe start and a calm home. I want to keep him healthy and happy. Small toys and rough games do Not fit into my idea of a safe start.

I want this safety for everyone in our family!

I've known our son for about 6 months now. I love Him. I feel that I'm allowed to keep Him safe.

I've talked about this with a lot of people but I guess they just don't remember how it is when you truly Love a child: you don't fxcking fxck up when it comes to safety issues!

So now we have much better safety plans for our house and home.
And the good thing is That I Feel Much Better about them :)

<3

Just like my half mute honey always says:"It's better when we can talk about it face to face." And then we just sit quietly for a while... and hold hands.

;)

Hanging over

I had some white wine yesterday. Only some. Not a lot :)

We stayed at a hotel and I Just slept through breakfast :/

Crap... It could have been good.

I'll eat out and by lunchtime I'll see an old friend and maybe her firstborn son will be joining us? :) I'll eat out again and stuff my face with a salad and a gallon of water with a steak and what ever. ..
Aah. ..
Then it's home to baby and a soft sofa.

Party all the time

Not really...
But I read this really good text about "knowing your last day"... If I knew when I would die as a human, I would live differently for sure. I would take risks and gamble with my choices a lot more.
I might even seem like an idiot sometimes.
I would live so that I could say that I have Lived.

No rest, kill for gains

Night time training is going well. ..... yeah.
I sleep like a baby :)

Up every 2-3 hours to check where I am...

But if it works at the gym... then use it.

The camera adds 5 kilos. To my head :/

When shit hits the fan

Coming soon...

Or not.
...

Äh.  Fxck this.
I'll write about it some other month ;)

Reinforce your passion

Find your passion.
Do not work for something that you don't really give a shit about.
Work for the Right reason.
DO the work it takes and bask in the glory of your gains... the moment only comes around to burn out in a fracture of the time it takes to make it light up again.

Find your passion and live to fill it.

The biggest gainer

Morning weight 58,5 kg.
I still suck at this.
I'm eating more rice now but it is not enough.

More meat.

***

Gotta kill more chickens...

Dream girl

Back day with Satu ("dream"). How fitting for her to have that name. :)

We did some posing too. She's got a lot of potential ;) I'm sure we'll train more in the future. Squatting is something we should try next.

Kill 'em legs. :) Together.

Her blog: https://m.facebook.com/pages/Projekti-uusi-minä/1504148896529329

Boats, art and Tuomas Kyrö (again)

I had an art gallery. Full of colourful oil paintings and thin statues. I had made them in my spare time. The gallery was white and you would enter it from the 2nd floor and then walk down a glass staircase while some of the artwork dangled around you. Everything hanged from the ceiling. It was dangerous to move around, some of the support lines were coming loose... I wanted to show Kyrö my art but he kept looking where he was stepping instead of looking at my stuff. Eventually he said :"I don't understand why you keep your stuff hidden in a basement. Some of it might look good if you only let them get some fresh air... and this lip gloss is making me look stupid. Why did you make me put it on?"
He had the reddest and shiniest lips I had ever seen on a man :)
"I'm sorry." I said. "It must be the  climate outside my head. Sometimes reality sneaks into my dreams and shifts things about. "

We left after I had first stumbled into a large pile of broken picture frames and hurt my ankle.

The day was beautiful. Sun, sea and small daybats flying... We got ice cream and walked to the piers to look at the steamboats quietly float by. They were electric. Even the steam was junk mail from the Internet. The blacker the smoke the dirtier the emails...
I kept getting lost on a straight pier. Kyrö rolled his car again and I thought that we were the stupidest people out there. Everyone else was wearing dark lilac clothes and a hat.

I decided to move my art gallery as soon as possible to a brighter place. Somewhere high an sunny; )

A heart wants what it wants

I wrote this a while back...

Kiddo is sleeping.
I could just do that too... or go to the sauna and relax...
No.
No rest for me.
Today is a long day.
A family member went to heaven a while back and his body was given back to the ground today.
I couldn't go and watch. Too painful.
I do things my way. To me it is the best way.
I morn in a deeper, more private way. Funerals just make it worse. Less gentle on my soul.

I have a long week ahead of me... no rest. No BS. Next Friday morning will end it. I'll get my 3 days of rest and then it's time for week 5/12.
Nearly halfway.
Can...Will I see results? Who knows. I see some already ;)

This is more than just a journey into a different style of fitness. This is more than just a program of diet and exercise. This is a way to learn and a way to teach myself about life and my body (the only one I have). I don't count calories and fuss about reps... I'm making my own history. The story of Miia.

Stupid dance and DLB

I have invented a stupid dance...

It takes 2 people.
It's a competition. A dance off :)

This is what you need:
A circular plate (or what ever) about the size of a big dog. 2 straps for ancles and 2 strong strings (bungee) connecting them to the plate (both are connected close to the middle of the plate).
Maybe you get the picture? I don't care.
Well...obviously the 2 dancers are strapped from one ancle and they dance. But the way they dance... They hop around like they were killing fire ants or like their other shoe was on fire :)
Stupid dance.
I watched Dana Linn Bailey dancing last night. She was really good!