I don't do box jumps but I did do some last night... I did box jumps with with DLB :) she has been in my dreams a couple of times before. We didn't talk much but she showed me how "things are done in the real world". How the first jump may feel/look like a long way but actually it's nothing when compared to the trip ahead... She told me that I was already alive and healthy and that all I really needed to do was Get Real and Start Running Shit. ;)
I love her for believing in me and in my cocky (business) ideas. She made me feel like I could jump a lot higher if I only wanted to. And I will... I know it will take time and that I have to stay consistent and true to my original plan but first I have to get it in my head that either I piss in the face of all my fears or I let them pull me down and eat me alive...
Later I found myself lying around and hugging with Richard Rawlings (Gas Monkey Garage)...
Gosh my mind has a crush on him: His "take a risk and make it happen" attitude.
I felt butterflies in my stomach and we had a slow, intimate moment just enjoying life as two humans with completely different lifestyles. We just held each other softly and let time flow :)
...
When's the last time You enjoyed a moment of silence with a loved one?
It doesn't get easier. You just get better.
I nearly cut my workout short today. Just 'cause I wanted to go home earlier and get some rest. I nearly cut out 6 sets. Six sets! It's nearly nothing and it is everything that I can't get back -ever- if I cut it out... I can never live this day again (thank god)...
I didn't cut my workout short. I finished it smiling. I went home happier. I had a hot shower and ate good food.
I slept well.
I didn't fuck up today. It was a hard day in many ways.
I made it.
I'll do better tomorrow.
Never die.
The end of the third week means the beginning of the second pump week...
I added weight (or reps) to all my sets this week (powerrrrr). I was sure I could not do that so soon but I did. I had to. I was too strong for the "normal" weight. More food = more strength = more gains = more belief
Next week I'll have to bring them down again and focus on the pump... ohh the burn :)
Some random guy got into my dreams last night.
I was hanging around in a bicycle cellar with kiddo. I think I was teaching him about the invention of the wheel. ....
The guy kept talking to me like I was for sale. "Yes. You look good. I'll take you... "
I hated his smile.
I felt bad. I didn't want to hurt him but I was Not going to let him take me away from kiddo.
I got aggressive and shouted at him. I remember feeling very good about myself and I felt strong and liberated because I could attack him verbally.
We fled. I grabbed kiddo and ran out the door. The man did not follow.
I think he lost interest after I had emasculated him with my words.
They wanted to kill me.
They wanted to see me cry... and then die.
I saw what they did to the girl in front of me.
She got fried like a rat.
I was afraid. Not often do I find myself in this kind of shit (in my nightmares...).
It was my turn.
The alien woman looked at me and smiled. Well... she didn't have lips so I only saw her grin... she looked like something I had seen on Farscape. A tall humanoid with an elongated head and no eyes. Legs like a kangaroo but the top half of a chimp. Skin so white it was transparent and clothed like a domina from a bikini nightmare... black and red leather with more than plenty cut/worn out bondage ropes hanging around her waist and around her neck and wrists...
...she told me to stand by the window. My hands were tied to a radiator and a metal string was handed to me.
A bony, thin alien dressed in tight, black leather underwear talked to me through a mask that seemed to change its voice to a low growl:
"Hang on to that string. Don't let go or we will hurt you more.
When the electricity starts to flow you will first feel a light humming. Then we will zap you. As we learn how much you can handle we will keep adding until it kills you.
So don't let go.
You'll live longer.
It will hurt but the view is beautiful, isn't it?..."
I looked out.
The view was out to the messy and crappy streets of an old European city.
I think I was in Prague again.
Shit.
I can't let them kill me.
The first humming sensation started. Then I felt the Zap!
"Huhh... not bad."
I noticed that I could reach the curtains. I looked back. No one was looking.
I grabbed the curtains and twisted them around the metal string I was holding. A dry cloth might just give me the time I need to think my way out of this mess...
A new humming. The next zap. I hardly felt it but I jumped a bit to make them think it was working. .. the aliens were already prepping their next victim.
I had no idea how often I would be zapped. Maybe they just liked to look at pain. ...but why did everyone have to die?
"No witnesses." :/
I didn't get a new zap for minutes and I got more and more worried that they had figured out my trick with the curtains. I still hadn't come up with a way to free myself from the radiator.
"Shit... think bitch!" I got SO angry at myself. Here I was. Being tortured and waiting to die like a fxcking lamb with a limp.
I felt adrenaline filling my veins, flowing to my muscles and making my eyes red. I had the pump from hell and my shirt ripped under my arms.
I ripped the fucking radiator out of the wall, threw it at the smaller alien killing it instantly. Then I pulled the metal string out of the wall and shouted to the tall alien woman that I was going to hang her with it. I started running straight at her with NO ideas about HOW the hell I was going to hang that giant with a piece of string.
The girl that was being prepped to get killed after me kicked the alien in the foot and ran off.
That was all I needed. A distraction. I jumped and slid between her legs and got behind her before she had time to react. I swung the rope around her neck and pulled with all my strength.
"Don't let go. You'll live longer..."
...
I woke up but this nightmare bothered me all day long.
:(
I don't understand it.
Maybe my mind is still going through some of the shit I lived through this summer?
It's done now. .. I tested both power week and pump week :)
Now it's time to add some weight and keep going, keep growing, keep showing results to my reflection in the mirror and gaining Everything I need to reach my Dreams ;)
Work.
Work.
Work.
Repeat.
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Everything is "new".
Everything started from the beginning.
It's a new life.
It's the better me.
I'm still working on my book. I changed the core theme... it's better now.
I'm still lifting.
I'm loving my choice to "work with" Markus Heinänen. I'm really seeing and feeling the difference :)
The IUD is gone.
It hurt like hell when the good doctor removed it.
But then came bliss. I was free.
The badly gone experiment was over and it was my time to fly again.
I'll write more later. Not about the IUD but about my workouts. My better life :)
It's nearly 1am and I'm hungry.
Should I go and eat or should I stick to the meal plan.... my workouts are so late that I can't eat a full meal after them and I sleep 10+2 hours a day so it's tough to eat 5 times a day (plus 3 large drinks when training)...
I need to make changes.
... but have babies :)
They can be the love of your life.
You can be on any drugs or meds or shit but you NEVER find yourself hating your baby <3
He's always number one ;)
This is the kind of shit I've been using.
Hormones.
Female shit.
I hate this stuff.
It doesn't work.
The pills were shit.
I was angry all the time.
The IUD is worse. I'm physically sick and starting to get depressed about it... all the fxcking time.
Don't do drugs.
Yeah... and don't do birth control.
'Cause it's SHIT!
I haven't ridden a "4 wheel crawler" for a while and it shows. .. my dream threw me back to North Carelia. We were on a safari. I had problems with my steering and I found myself in the gutter more than once.
Riding past a farm we got into trouble. The road was blocked. We used reclining chairs to build a bridge for out ATVs. As the first one of us crossed the whole thing cracked and broke. No more bridge.
The farmer wanted us to stay for the night. They had a big farm. Lots of tools for farming little plants and veggies. They loved their old school style.
It started raining rocks. As big as my fist.
We ran inside a barn and locked the doors. The glass buildings around us shattered and broken glass was everywhere.
A zombie girl shouted outside the barn. I was in there with a woman. She panicked. I told her we were safe but she kept screaming that we must save her friend.
"No, idiot! She's a zombie! She'll hurt us!" I shouted.
But she didn't hear me and she started banging at the doors and she broke a window so the gray and smelly zombie could get in...
"Shit! All I have are these spoons..." I had nothing to use as a weapon. The barn was empty. I went through all the different ways to kill a zombie with just two big spoons and suddenly a small child ran straight at me. I jumped and swung my spoon.
"Oh god, no!" It was my kiddo. He had a cut on his forehead and he was crying. He was ok and Not a zombie but I had hurt him by accident. Poor baby.
I held him close and he stopped crying. The zombie was eating the other woman.
I woke up.
Tomorrow it starts for real. I've been testing my diet now for 4days and it seems to work :)
I'm keeping it as clean as possible and drinking a minimum of 3l per day (water).
Here's what it's all about :
http://trainer24.fi/
I'm dancing to the beats of Markus Heinänen.
...
Tomorrow I have 3 clients and then I'm heading straight for the weights.
It's going to be a long night ;)
My meal preps are going fine. I'm very pleased with my new diet. I just have to remind myself daily that this is Not a show prep.
I'm still waiting for next week so I can start with my new work out plans... in a way it's good that I take it easy first and then start hitting it hard ;)
Rest. Rest. Kill everything. Rest.
The only slow things in life have to do with my hormonal balance. The fxcking IUD has to go and I hate waiting around for the postman to bring me the letter I'm supposed to get "any day now".
I know it was my fxcking idea to get this thing stuffed inside me but -fxck!- it's been a joyful thing for a lot of women.
"What could go wrong..."
It's just super bad luck that I can't handle this shit... I must be allergic to female hormones :D
I gotta get it out of me before it "kills me".
Something BIG is going to happen and I will share it with you guys as soon as I get the first email. ....
I'm going to push HARD for 9 weeks and it will not be like it used to be.
My new "distant Master" will not be kind.
He is a machine, a winner, a true hero.
I'm expecting a serious amount of pain in both my body and mind.
I saw the doc today.
She said she can't help.
So I'm still "on drugs"...
She promised to get me an appointment at the local hospital. They're equipped with all the right stuff and They can help me.
Great.
I wonder if I have to wait another month again.
I'll be "dead" by then :/
Soooo.... I found the time to go to the gym. (No good milk in the fridge -> gotta go out anyway)
Warmed up with basic squats and jumping around and doing stupid stuff with my arms and. .... aaargh I wanted to get started already! ! :)
