Food prep

I blew up the potatoes and burned the chicken so I think that food prep for 2014 is over... long live 2015.
BTW today is shoulder day. Let's bring it home one more time ;)

12 years in Hungary

Some people you just never stop thinking about... :)
I have a friend. We hardly even keep touch. But I think of her as one of my best and dearest friends.
I saw her last night.
She looked good :) healthy and happy. IRL she has kids and she loves yoga.

In my dream she was lonely, tired and her hair had grown so long that I didn't even recognise her at first.
Everything happened so fast. We said Hi! She told me she needed a rest from her life. I said she should take a trip to Budapest. She told me she had gone there every year for the last 12 years. She loved that place. She wanted to live there but her "life line" did not exist there (?)...
We had coffee and she left. As she walked away I wondered if my life line was still waiting for me when I wake up.

Earthquake, theatre, comedy club and public showers

(Edit later)
Last couple of nights have been something else than restful...
I've been hanging out at my favorite mall. It has gyms, cafes, theaters, burlesque shops and I see celebrities there ever so often :)

Maybe it is this moving thing or maybe I'm just fat in the head but the mall collapsed on me. 2 of the bottom floors just came crashing down. I barely made it out of there. Imagine running for your life while pieces of concrete and steel fall on you and you know you might not make it... I kept wondering how much it would hurt if I get hit in the head with something the size of my own fist.
It was cool how the glass doors exploded  when I slung myself out of the kneeling building! It was amazing how people didn't even stop their shopping on the higher floors and the rest of the mall's shops just kept going too... (it still had 3 more floors and a basement) I quess no one died?

I sat down for a while... took a long breath and had a smoke. One of those small cigarettes that smell like chocolate. I noticed people around me. They all had small notebooks and some of them mumbled to themselves... One of them asked me for a fitting ending to a short joke of his. I gave him ideas and some of the others started talking to me too. It was fun! They had some great ideas. I wish I could remember them. I bet they would sound stupid now ;)

I didn't feel comfortable going back to the mall so I headed to the local swimming hall. They had a 2 for 1 sale this week: buy a ticket to go swimming and you get to watch a theatre show at the same time! I think they had several different small shows that they rotated during the day. I was hoping for something relaxing like a musical about cowboys or ninjas.
I had to use the toilet before I went in the pool but like always it wasn't that easy... I found the toilets but all of them had a shower integrated into them. I tried several of them but I kept getting blown out of the little toilet with a tornado of hot water before I even had a chance to sit down :/
Stupid dreams...

Cold as ...

Leg day.

I'm in week 3 of my 84 days of fun in the gym...
This week it's all about loooong sets.

Rest -ish

Moving moving moving.... and clean two houses as you go....

Step back...

(Edit later) It feels like a slip up...
It looks like a screw up...

I've had a weird day. I keep dropping stuff. It's like I can't concentrate.
My hair is too long and it keeps getting curly in the wrong way.
My nose itches.
I had a thing in my eye for 5 hours (drove me nuts at the gym) and my hands are too dry to cuddle my baby's cheeks.

I had potatoes and salmon twice today.

I keep wondering why I'm so tired...
I must count my calories tomorrow.
The answer lies in my "top 3": sleep, eat and work for it.

I feel like I'm not getting enough of any of them?
The next two days are rest days.
I need it. Rest.

I need to sleep this off.

Taking hits

(Edit later) It ain't no easy day...
Woke up happy but dead tired.
At the gym now... still dead.
Ate alot. Too much maybe?
Back day. Easy but so darn hard.
Need more.
Need rest.
Need a million more reasons to give up.

I'm not giving up. I'll fxcking make it through this.
It's just a set... a rep... the feel... the pump... I'll kill it before I leave. I'll kill this tired feeling.
I'm going home a winner.
I didn't come here to give up.

My night with Rob

(Edit later) Finally, it came...

My chance to talk with Rob Bailey.

I think I was at the Arnold Sports Festival in Ohio. I was staying at a hotel where alot of the competitors stayed too. Actually the hotel seemed to be "in" the A.S.F. so I could walk around without having to worry about carrying heavy stuff or even wondering about getting a ticket :)

I saw Dana Linn Bailey walking around a coffee machine. She had just come from stage I think. She had this super glaze over her tan and her green bikini shone like a cloth made simply out of precious gems.

Right behind her was Rob. Eating a donut and looking at the coffee machine. I read from his lips that he didn't want Dana to drink that shit. She should get some Real coffee from behind the stage...
Dana left and I felt that I had my chance to talk to the guy who I admire and listen to so often. The man who I see as "a loud and mysterious man".

I asked him if he had time to talk with me.
He did :)

We sat down and as he finished his donut and cracked open a soda he asked me: "so Miia, what is it that you've been so eager to ask me all this time?"
Me: "I've been following you.... I mean I listen to you video posts and read you blogs. You inspire me :) I find you to be a huge Boost in my life when it comes to taking chances and listening to my heart... my soul even.
In ways we are the same but in other ways we live totally separate lifestyles. You live like a beast and you MAKE things happen... I often find myself pushing myself harder and further because I remember how you live, you and Dana.
I don't mean to sound like I want to be You.
I want to say Thank You <3
Thank You for being who You are and living the way you do. 
Thank You for touching my life and heart. Thank You for taking this time to sit down with me and smiling with me at the world, Our world :)
You are always welcome to my dreams, to my real life too. <3"

Rob: "Wau. Ok... thanks Miia :)"
...and he gave me the warmest, biggest hug. I could smell coffee, Dana's tan lotion and a hint of musk on him.
We talked more. Quietly and pleasantly. People passed us by but we were invisible to them. It felt like the moment stretched longer and although we kept our talks mellow and light, we dowe into subjects that scraped the bed rock of my world... he could inspire me just by telling me about his day. Just by being there and being himself.

Rob Bailey

one of my favorite artists when it comes to clothes, music, photography, LIFE...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGICG_mHV38

Oh god, I feel like a million bucks right now <3

10/84

Merry xmas world... I'm gonna get you.

 

The dark day

Forgot my shoes... Leg day -> chest and triceppies

It's the darkest day... Shortest day. It snowed, too :) It's been a good day.
I had coffee with a cool gal and we started to move our stuff to our new house :)

4/84 - 5/84

The first days went byebye... Next 2 are active rest/cardio. Then I'll start week 2.
Food: ok. Workouts: could go better. Me: still in it for the gold.

The sad news

I'm still under 59kg. On some mornings I'm under 58...
I'll give myself a month to get my shit together. If I'm still under 60kg after that I'll finish my 84 days and start again. More pain, more guilt, more long nights... I better make these first 12 weeks count.

Guilt

Every fxcking night I spend at the gym... I feel bad. Baby is sleeping at home but I feel bad.
Every fxcking set and rep better be the best it can... There's no time to fxck this up.
There is no time to do this again. I'm doing what I'm doing to be a better me. A better wife. A better mom. A better friend...
A better life.

I'm not the type who gets sick. But I might be the type who dies in a freak accident.
I need to do this.

No remorse.
Just guilt.

Xmas on tv

No Xmas this year... Not for us. We're moving moving moving. Yes!  Thank God.
I made protein cakes and I'm "listening to xmas". The music is enough. It's all I need to feel like xmas :)
Well, snow helps too.
I don't go to church. I don't stuff my face. I don't check out relatives at the cemetary. I don't need Santa.
I'm happy just being at home and relaxing with a good movie, sauna and candles :) I like quiet things.
I'll train every day. That's my way to keep up the peace ;)

No hell, hell no

What is Hell?
Some say it's a place where you burn in your sins and the devil sings bad songs about nothing special... others say it's a place where God's love can't reach you. Now how the hell is THAT possible?

My favorite version is this one:
You are alone.

HAH!
I'm Finnish! To us that's like Heaven! :D

Heaven or Hell? Sure is pretty.

1/84 - 3/84

The first days are behind me. First of many more to come...

I started a 12 week program.
84 days.
No rest.

The little vampire

Kiddo likes his new teeth. He loves to eat things. Everything is in danger...fingers, toys, curtains, anything that he can get his hands on ;)

Saunayoga

I spent last night with a good friend and made a new one.
I also got to try out Saunayoga, Starbucks, cricket food and saw how a giant poodle lives his life in a "big city house".

The same night I found out that my grandfather had passed on...
But I won't go into that.

I didn't sleep deeply last night. I did bad things. I hijacked one of the judges on Masterchef Australia. (the big dark guy who always has a scarf)
I kept him in a small penthouse I had on a rooftop that I had lent from a friend... I didn't admit to anyone that I had him. People knew that I had him but I was too scared of getting in trouble that I just lived with the fear of getting caught and the bother of having a hostage 24/7. A very hungry hostage.

Last night I also figured out how to make 20.000e in 4 months. But I cannot remember how I did it!!! :/
Aaarh!!

The first 2

Teeth are coming.
Baby has issues...

30-90-600

I have things I need to do. Some sooner, some later.

The days go past slowly but time always ends

I need to buy a small calender.
And a good pen.

What if he doesn't come home?

(edit later)
Baba is 5 months now. 
He loves life.

He'll see his father again on Saturday.
Sometimes I think of sad things to keep myself awake. Sometimes the fear of losing loved ones creeps into my head. We all live in it: the real world. Bad things happen in the real world. Sometimes they happen near us. Sometimes to us. Most of the time we just read about them in the news...

Could I make it if I found myself alone?
Yes. I think so.
What if I was alone and baby was with me... Would we live a full life and enjoy the little things?... yes.

All I can do is to make a decicion. I/we Will make it :) no matter what.

F.Y.I.

weather : shit

No! I won't jump!

A parachuting accident...

I found myself on an airport bus. But it wasn't a bus,it took off so it was a plane... I kept wondering how the plane /bus could have such Big windows and still keep intact in the air and in all that turbulence (I felt sick).

The airbus had several jumpers in it. Pro parachuters. I felt even sicker now. I noticed that I too had a parachute on. It had a long purple rope attached to it but the rope was not attached to anything.
Everyone else had a big red handle on their chest to open their parachute. I kept shouting that I would NOT jump 'cause A) it's stupid to leave a perfectly fine plane in the middle of flight and B) I've never jumped so I could hurt myself by hitting the ground the wrong way...

The pilot opened the bus doors and the first 3 men jumped.

No-one seemed to give a fxck about my opinion about not wanting to jump. They just kept talking about the weather and how they loved to pack their own chutes...
Who had packed my parachute?
I know I didn't do it.
Maybe my pack was empty?!!

Why was nobody listening to me?!

What kind of "a learning experience" is this?

I thought about charging in to the cockpit and taking over the plane. Maybe I had a knife on me or Anything that I could use as a weapon?

...no. I can't.
I can't do that to the pilot. It's not his fault I'm up here... or is it?

I never jumped. The airbus landed. Most of us did not jump. I never heard about the ones that jumped.

Dumb legs

Trying out new ways to kick my own ass.

Happy B-day homeland

Happy happy happy... 6.12.
And I forgot it. Sorry.
But I went to the (empty) gym and did my best :)

Love U Finland

Wider backer errr...

Yesterday back day good day my day...

no matter how hard I try to relax the darn camera shakes :)

Kiddo will soon be 5 months old.

I will soon be 60kg AGAIN :)

Work for it,

do the work.

Kiddo keeps growing, I keep growing.

No excuses ;)

I dream of you...

...Tuomas Kyrö.

Jep. He made the cut.
A famous Finnish writer showed up in my dream. He drove a car he had built himself :)
It was a very small (about the size of coffin that was made to look like a minisub on wheels) lightweight car made out of cardboard and aluminium. He said it didn't even need a licence to be on the road and that he didn't bother with taxes or insurances either.

Tuomas Kyrö, my hero.

http://hs13.snstatic.fi/webkuva/taysi/675/1305854884052?ts=628

He wasn't too good at backing that thing up. He flipped it on it's back when I wasn't looking and I had to rescue him from his own invention... :D

Big legs

I'm so happy it hurts.
Today was LEG day.
I started with the leg press... I got up to 200kg x10 and thought "well why not"... I got up to 270kg x10x2 and thought "oh fuxk it"... I got up to 300kg and said to my spotter "lets see, I have no idea"... after 9 reps I said "one more" he replied "Lift!"... I lifted 3 more. Just for HIM. He was a Big dude. Lots of tattoos and a black shirt. Scary guy. I don't want to mess with him. Hell, I'll rather lift 350kg ;D

My leg press record is now 300kg x12 :)

I'm scared to wake up tomorrow. Will I still have my legs or will they fal off ;)
Kiddo is almost crawling now... I will too...

5 x crazy

I'll start the car and drive to the gym in just a while...
This week I'm still doing 5 workouts. 4 late at night and one in the morning.
It'll either kill me or make me stronger but I shall not fail.
Why?...you ask.

Because next week I'm alone and all I have is "home gym" = shit.

My split:
Legs
Chest, tris
Back, bis
Shoulders, calves, abs
Legs

Yes. I'm going to go all crazy and push myself as hard as I can. I don't have a coach so I'll just use my imagination to get past those last sets and reps... An imaginative gym pal. Yeah <3

Next week I'll play my Master chef Valkeala game and cook like a trained monkey all week long.
Fitness food, when all you need is biomass.

It feels So good

I'm happy when I plan things... And excited when things come together.

I've made plans for:
- a road trip with baba
- my next 12-14 weeks (diet & sports)
- moving to a new home
- getting my hair done

Maybe I should also book my next photo shoot :)
I could start testing poses and get a new bikini or something! ;)

Kiddo gets tired sometimes...