They are too perfect, too similar, and too addictive.
I used to think of Rob as a "loud and mysterious man who likes to make a lot of noise and take up a lot of room". I didn't like him at first. I remember telling myself "I hope he fades off into the darkness behind his wife Dana..."
I'm glad he didn't. As a matter of fact, he's now one of the most important people in my life. He has been a "mentor" to me for a while now.
I tried dropping him last year and this winter but for some reason, he always comes back. Often in dreams and sometimes by accident when I realise I really need to hear from him (I follow his youtube channel: killrobbailey).
I tried dropping him because One has to be willing to make BIG changes in her life to become a better person. So this winter I dropped EVERYTHING for a second. Not at once but during a timeline of several weeks. It was a rehearsal and IT WORKS. It's a mental thing and that is all that the brain needs. It will not know the difference between a real emotion and a self-made one. It will act upon anything I tell it to do and I told it to do some really crazy shit.
Let's just say that "I finally fxcking CLEANED UP!"
So why did I take the risk of DROPPING something I already know I'm obsessed with?
--> like I said earlier: (the one that matters) always comes back.
A lot of other things came back too, right the next second. There was no doubt in my mind about it.
Some of my dreams with Rob are mostly long talks and drinking coffee or just sitting outside on a balcony watching other people go about their lives. We smile a lot.
In one dream about 2 months ago, I was standing around on a junk planet and watching a giant trash mill eat up big trucks and old trains. It was like a whirlwind of death and destruction for old crap. The size of the rotating machine was about the size of a football super dome. We had to stand half a mile away on a hill. The day was warm but the winds were acting up. Sand flew and the sounds of screeching and small explotions reached us lightly as whispers.
Rob was there with Dana and I had two friends with me.
Dana wanted to get home so Rob said bye and turned. One of my friends turned and whispered to Rob:
"You should go check out those guys at the gym in Australia..."
Rob didn't hear him so he asked:
"Aa... say what?"
My friend switched to some kind of tired Finnish and mumbled:
"Käyhä poeka kattoo ne äijät aussien salill..."
Rob smiled and thanked him even though he clearly didn't understand what had been said.
For some reason, my friends didn't like having Rob there...