Get a real job

I workout because it is what I do.
If you tell me to stop just because you want me to do something else... think again. Think about what it would mean to me, to my body and soul. Think about what you're taking away from me, my freedom, my love, my life. Can You make me love my life more by putting me in a cage? Can you watch me die away bit by bit every night. Do you really think I'll Ever let anyone push me around?
It doesn't matter what I might say or promise. Just remember that a Wild thing will Never feel sorry for itself.

A giraffe called Ashley

The dunes began and ended in all directions. "Where are we?"

The sun was hot in the empty sky and the sound of emptiness filled my head. I hoped to see some kind of landmarks but everywhere I gazed all I saw was more sand. Not even a little patch of grass or other soil. Just hot, dry sand.

The giraffe that was following us had a big, brown mosquito net over her head. The net hung from her horns down to her chest and swung around as she moved her head and looked down at us every now and then. Her eyes were so kind.

I touched her warm leg and felt her muscles twitch. Her fur was rough and short. She smelled like grass and flowers.

I took some steps away from everyone to look behind yet another sand dune. I kept hoping that we would suddenly be back at where ever this whole thing started...

A young girl grabbed my hand after a while and shouted:"They're leaving!"
I stared at her with my heart in my throat. She was me. Her eyes were huge rings ans she was scared and panicking because we were now alone in the desert. Her face was young but I could hear her heart beat like mine, strong and slow. I looked past my ghost from the past and shouted to the giraffe as she slowly walked away (she was already about 500 m from us and just about to disappear behind a large dune).
"Ashley! Ashleyyy!!"
"Don't go! Don't leave us behind!"
Her head swung around and for a moment I hoped she had heard us but she just shook the rest of the net off her face and joined another smaller giraffe before she disappeared from view.

Same old, same old

Dat massage.... mmm my body sure needed it :)

In just 3 words: we had fun

When you put two masseurs together you get a party no matter what ;)

We started off with my upper back and neck, then moved down to my glutes and lower back. Then thighs, calves and arms.

I sounded like an Angry bird at times :D

All he had to do was grab my leg and a tsunami of electricity and happy hormones shot up to my brain :D followed by pain and screaming and shaking of my hips.

I suck as a client XD ...pun intended, or maybe not... which way is it?... :D

It's a party alright ;)

Gotta do it again some day.

(No pump in these pics. But YES new hair <3 )

My dates keep getting fatter...

This infrared sauna showed up.... nice! :)

Getting a massage

I'm at my old school.
I'm getting a ~2h sport massage.

He is a big guy.
It will hurt ;)

www.relaxi.fi

V-day

It was ok.
It could have gone worse.

;)

Look to the future

My future is like this view:
All I have to do is ski across the ice and I am quite sure that what ever is hiding in that low cloud it is there for my taking :)

Red snake

I saw it again. The red snake.
He hisses and shakes his tail and he has the longest tongue...

He kept the top of his head towards me as he danced around me. He made a horrible noice with his long tongue and he kept glancing at me with his yellow eyes as if he knew something.

Aaargh.... how can his tongue be so loud? !?

I woke up to my own snoring.

Make your own milk

I was given a choice to either make my baby his milk 3% (fat%) or 10%...
"Make it by hand." They said.
"Here. You can only use dead people."
Me:"!?"

"Take her. She's been frozen for a week."
(I stared at the dead lady who they dragged out of the freezer. She looked pink and blue. Her face was sad.)
"She's quite fat. We'll cut her arms off and parts of her pelvis. ...would you like to keep the head? "
Me:"yeahhh...I'll keep it. There's good fat in the brain."

What's new?

Last October I had my body checked. (InBody analysis)
Fat%: 17,9%
Muscle mass: 27,4kg
Me: 59,3kg

This Tuesday I did it again.
Fat%: 14,7%
M.m: 27,5kg
Me: 57,4kg

My legs have grown <3
I know, I know... I could have done better. I could be bigger. I said it several times myself: I eat too little.

So what.

This is where I am and this is where I continue :)
It's so much easier to keep going now that I know how my body reacts to (this) food and (this) training in this moment in time...

To simplify things:
I lost FAT and gained some muscle just by eating and training to a plan I found on the internet and I haven't even been pushing it to the max! :) I haven't been a robot or a maniac. I've just lived my life. And I've enjoyed it <3

Mmm....my bodyfat% is...

14,7% :)

Thanks Kris! ;)

4 more weeks and I'm done for a while.

I should book that next photo shoot soon.

The pain that just keeps on giving

I had a headache tonight. My muscles around my scull were not happy.

- God, it hurts even more on a leg day.-

I thought I would pass out or just pop a vein...
I couldn't do my calves. I moved them to Saturday. I did do my cardio. It helps when I move my arms and shoulders around and around. The black blood and crap I have stuck in my aching flat headmuscles will get pushed out.

I can't just go home and take a pill. It's not the way my body works.

Stupid pain.
My legs still got a beating. Although it was a milder one....

I'll kill 'em right next week.

All you have to do is...

I was already in bed. All I had to do was stay there for another half an hour.
Just keep my eyes closed...
Wait.
Wait for the moment to pass.
Kiddo was asleep, 
I was sleepy,
All I had to do was keep my eyes closed.

I did not stay in that warm safe place.
I got up.
It wasn't 8pm yet.
I packed my gym bag, got in the car and left.

I am One

Aaagh. Chest day.
I'm in pain.

The more I train and the better I get the more I want this lifestyle. I have so much and still I need to change things around and Build. I am just an amateur but I am all me. All the things that make me Me are In me as well as all around me. I'm a combination of time and space. Memories of days before float around in my brain and change the way I see things today. Dreams haunt me as well as bring me joy in the darkest nights. 

I choose the hard way not because it gives me more, I choose it because I am me.

I am me.

***

Chest day. Not a priority to a lot of women.

It only hurts so bad because I did my back earlier.... all them little muscles are still trying to recover back there and now they were all called back to work again...

It sure looks like I won't be needing any training for my abs tonight. ;)

(I still had my 15min cardio waiting for me)

Where am I?

Kiddo lives in a "small world". He needs time to look around and to make choices that are the first Ever for him:
- when a toy rolls away he can grab the next one or just follow it and get it back
- when he wants to be held he can try to climb up my leg or just cry and eat my fingers as I calm him down
- if he can't sleep he can play with his soft bunny toys or try to escape from his cell block A (his bed looks like a white cage).

He is very close to findind new pleasure from playing with balls and other objects that roll :) so far he just slaps them around and smiles as they go but soon he'll figure out that we can pass it to each other and keep it rolling back and forth...

The next 2

The upper teeth are coming through... kiddo cried last night.

I stayed up for ~4 hours, not because of him but because I was just too "awake in my life". I ate twice, peed like a horse 'cause I kept drinking and Nothing seemed to help me catch some sleep. I even though about waking the car up and going for a ride. But in this winter weather and with that BMW I would just be more awake and pumped by the time I get back. ;)

My mind is full of thoughts.
Full of different plans and possibilities.
I am in a state of "flux"... I am making big decisions about what I want out of my life. I'm not locking my answers yet but I'm being brave about my wishes. My life choices.

I am not done yet! :)

C-day

Candy day. What a load of BS.
It's nothing but an excuse to get waisted.
Parents get to tell their kids all week to not eat candy but then comes the magical Saturday and all bets are off.
Eat like MF for an hour. The bigger the the bag the better the bang. The bigger the guilt the longer the buzz.
And NO. It's Not ok to buy extra if you're eating out of the same bag!

Candy day is full of shit.
It's like telling an adult to not have a glass of wine with his wife on Wednesday night 'cause he must drink it on Saturday... and then on Saturday he'll just throw his ass out the window and his wife in the snow.

Candy day. It's not a fxcking carb load.
It's not a realistic problem solver.

It's just one step closer to problem drinking.
;)

Fxck the norm.
Control Your life.
Don't take the easy way out or do like every other MF out there does.
'CAUSE THEY PROBABLY DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FXCK THEY'RE DOING ANYWAY.

Make your own rules. Stick to them but change them if they fail. It's ok to try and fail. It's normal.
It's only stupid to do exactly like others do just because your kid might otherwise feel left out.

Hello?! Life is not fair! But you make the best of it with what you got. And you fxcking Rock the shit out of it! And you always come out a winner 'cause You are the Only one living Your Life! :)
Get it?
Now go and Live it!

Back in action

Finally. Finally!
At the gym.
Back dayyyyyyy!

I'm so spent...
All I wish for is a hot shower and an omelette with a lot of chili :)

It's been a long week and I keep getting bad news... I have been taking care of different businesses all week and getting mentally ready for big things (for years to come) and I just wish I could rest at least a bit next weekend....

We'll see.
...don't think so.

Push that snow

Hohoho, all that snow...
All for me.

I really like this "!" traffic sign :)

It looks like I should shout or honk my horn if/when something spooks me while driving in this neighbourhood; )

Limits

Monday was a legday. I didn't have the time to include my pecs and calves...

I had to just suck it up and live with my inability to push through the tiredness and stomachache... I ate a bad salad earlier in the evening and it did not agree with my pre workout juice.

The whole night was a stuffy plumbing experience. 

It's worth it

Honey's leaving again.
I just "won" 3 extra rest days...
Shit.

Tonight there's still time to push it... and there's plenty of snow so I have to push it around twice a day, too. Kind of a workout... just not very effective. I have to be super economical all the time. I can't go all the way to failure with snow. No point in passing out in the deep white death.

I have to organize my workouts this week so that I get them all in even with 3 rest days in the middle.
This means I'll be spending a lot of time at the gym tonight. That means I'll be "dead" by morning and when baby needs me I'll be dragging my sorry ass into the kitchen and living room and so on... I'll "wake up" by lunch time but everything before that will be just like living with a colic baby or a colic mother actually (maybe something like that).

I'm planning to combine legs with chest and calves.
We'll see if it works.
I might be crazy and I might spend 2,5 hours at the gym but I have 3 rest days waiting for me so fxck it.
It's worth it :)